Once More With Feeling
by Imogen LeFay
Summary: For Kurt and Blaine, everything is perfect - until it's suddenly not. Torn apart by forces beyond their understanding, they find themselves alone, facing a world that is just not quite right anymore. A second first meeting of strangers on a staircase brings another chance for love, but is that enough for them to find their way back to each other, and can they break the spell?
1. Prologue - See You All In Hell

******Once More With Feeling**

* * *

_****__**Disclaimer**__: __The characters aren't my property, neither are any song lyrics within this story, just borrowing it all for a bit._

_**Summary**__: After a long year of separation, things are finally looking up for Kurt and Blaine. They're ready to start their lives together in New York as an engaged couple. Everything is perfect.  
Until it's suddenly not.  
Torn apart by forces beyond their understanding, they find themselves alone, facing a world that is just not quite right anymore. A second first meeting of strangers on a staircase brings another chance for love, but is that chance enough for them to find their way back to each other, and can they break the spell before it's too late?_

Notes: So, this is definitely the longest thing I've written for Glee, and very much due to the influence of "Once Upon A Time broke my brain".  
I started the concept in December, so it only draws from the episodes aired until then. That means there won't be spoilers, and everything after episode 5x08 doesn't factor into this, including the Rachel/Santana fight, the Brittana reunion and the actual living arrangements once everybody got to New York. The plot starts after Blaine's graduation.  
The story will contain supernatural elements, a few medical issues (including mention of canncer), and infidelity. Also, which I assume should be warned for, this story has Sebastian, as well as a dysfunctional to toxic Seblaine relationship, but Klaine are definitely endgame.  
If somebody has concerns or questions about anything, please feel free to contact me.  
The story is mostly but not completely done, and it should be updated around once per week.  
As for titles, the story title is from the Buffy musical episode, while the chapter titles are taken from songs out of that episode – mostly because at the beginning I was very inspired by the first song Going Through The Motions, and I'm also a complete sucker for that musical.

That's about it, then. Let's get this started. Hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading!

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**Prologue - See You All in Hell**

When Blaine woke up that morning, it was to beams of sunshine falling through the window and right into his face. For a moment he just lay in his bed, turning his head to the light and warmth, breathing in the fresh air coming from his half open window.

He didn't usually linger like this before getting up. But he figured it was fine to just take it easy once in a while. Today was going to be a lazy, comfortable day, as most of the last week had been. Just for a little while, there was no stress. There were no rehearsals for glee club, no student council meetings, no all-day studying sessions or last minute finals preparations. Nationals were over, finals were done, he got accepted into NYADA, and a few days ago he had finally graduated. Now, all that was left was to spend a last week here in Ohio with his friends and family, before it was time for him to go to New York – and not alone, of course.

This thought was enough to make Blaine sit up in bed. His eyes went to the digital clock at his nightstand and for a second he worried he might have overslept. But he still had time. It was only a few minutes after nine. Kurt was coming over around ten. They hadn't been able to spend time together last night, since Blaine's parents had insisted on having a family dinner including his grandparents before he went off to the big city. It could have been worse, but it still only made Blaine look forward more to having a day just for Kurt and him.

While going through his morning routine, Blaine couldn't help but look back on how much had happened this year. Of course, it had seemed even longer, being the last year of high school, and especially with every single day keeping him away from the person he loved. He was thrilled, but sometimes he still couldn't believe it was over.

He checked himself in the mirror one last time, before he went downstairs. It had been a rough year at times, but everything had worked out in the end. A part of him was even a bit sad to leave McKinley behind... or maybe that, too, was latent fear of what was about to come. But he wouldn't let fear keep him back. He would do his best and face the new challenges head-on, and at least he knew he wouldn't be alone through it all.

His mother was in the kitchen downstairs, talking on the phone. When she saw him, she put a cup of freshly brewed coffee into his hands and smiled. Blaine took the cup with a short thanks and let her get back to her call. Sometimes he had wished he and his parents were closer, but during the last months at least his mom had made more attempts to bond with him. He guessed it came with the idea of letting her youngest son leave the state soon. They would never be an extremely close family – even with Cooper he only talked a few times a month, although they had worked out their respective issues – but during the last year, Blaine had learned to accept that. It was enough that they were comfortable with each other. It wasn't as important anymore, either. He was going to New York, why worry about Lima?

By now it was so close, Blaine could almost feel it. He had such a distinct idea of how things would be, living in the big city, living with _Kurt_... it was enough to get anyone excited, and Blaine felt as if he had been grinning like a madman for days now.

He checked the kitchen clock. It was almost ten, Kurt would be here any minute to take him out for brunch, although he hadn't shared yet where they were going.

Blaine put his cup into the sink and gave his mom a quick goodbye, before he left the kitchen and went to the front door. It was warm, but not yet too hot, so he would just wait outside on the porch for Kurt. Who knew how long he'd get to enjoy the sun? He was hoping their plans for the day included a picnic, but he wasn't quite sure.

He wouldn't have to wait, though. When Blaine stepped outside, he could already see Kurt's car pulling up in front of the door. He could feel his smile get so wide, it almost hurt. He stepped off the front porch and-

_...the world shifted..._

There was no step under his foot. For a second, he felt weightless – and then, he was falling. He could see the ground coming closer, felt panic surge up in him, harder and faster than anything he ever remembered. It felt as if he was falling from a skyscraper, as if he was falling for ages, and he wanted to scream, no, this was wrong, this shouldn't...

_...and stopped._

Blaine's knees hit the ground, and so did his hands in an attempt to catch himself. He was gasping for breath and he could feel his heart hammering against his chest. When he took his hands off the ground, he noticed that they were shaking violently. What had happened?

Apparently, he had gone outside and tripped off the porch. But why on earth would that affect him like this? He ran a shaking hand through his hair and felt cold sweat on his forehead. Suddenly, he felt a chill, despite the summer sun shining down on him. His head ached. Was he coming down with something? But why so sudden, when he had been fine before... hadn't he?

Slowly, he got to his feet. What was going on?

"Excuse me?"

Blaine looked up when he heard the voice. In front of him, there was a boy who looked at him in concern.

"Are you alright?" the stranger asked. He looked gorgeous, all pale skin and long limbs, with a finely cut face, and sea-colored eyes. Blaine was sure his heartbeat accelerated even further. He was certain he had never seen this stranger, but he couldn't shake a discerning feeling of déjà-vu.

"I just tripped," he said when he noticed he had been silent for too long. "I'm sorry, have I seen you before?"

The stranger tilted his head and looked at him with a frown on his face, as if he was as uncertain as Blaine felt. "I... don't think so," he said. "I'm..." He looked around. "I'm sorry, do you know how to get to Main Street from here?"

"Oh, yeah," Blaine said quickly. At least he thought he did. He quickly rattled off instructions. When he was done, his shaking still hadn't lessened.

"Thank you," the stranger said. "Sorry, I'm... I'm actually not sure what I'm doing here. But thank you, um...?"

"Blaine."

"Thank you, Blaine," the stranger said. "I should... I guess I should be going?"

"I guess," Blaine said with hesitation in his voice.

Suddenly, the stranger's hand was on his cheek. Between the cold and the shaking, the points where their skin touched was an unexpected source of warmth.

"You should lie down for a bit," the stranger said. "It looks like you're coming down with something."

For a few seconds they just stared at each other, and suddenly, the stranger dropped his hand. "Oh my god, I am so sorry, that was completely inappropriate. I'll... I'll just leave now."

"It's fine," Blaine said, but the stranger had already backed off and got into his car. Blaine watched him drive away. He wished the stranger had at least given him a name.

Blaine looked around, blinking against the bright light. What exactly was he doing outside anyway?

Slowly, he made his way back inside. He was still shivering, but at least his breathing had gone back to normal, even though his heart was still racing. He felt light-headed. Maybe he really did catch the flu or something?

"Are you alright, honey?" His mother had stepped out of the kitchen. Like the stranger, she had a look of mild confusion on her face. "Weren't you meeting someone?"

Blaine leaned against the wall. "I... I'm not sure," he said and tried to remember. Who could he have wanted to meet?

His mother watched him out of narrow eyes. "Maybe you should rest some more, dear, you look a bit shaky."

Blaine nodded. He did feel weird, and now he had two people telling him he looked a bit sick. Slowly, he turned around and made his way back to the stairs. He should be lying down... that did sound like a good idea.

He had hardly reached the stairs, when there was a ring at the door bell, followed by rapid knocking. Blaine frowned and looked at the door. Were they expecting somebody? Maybe whomever he had hoped to meet...?

"Blaine, dear, will you get the door?" The voice of his mother sounded shrill in his ears, but of course she was right. The door... he should get the door.

As if through a haze, Blaine made his way to the door, where the knocking had changed into banging. Every single knock seemed to pierce right through his brain. With a shaking hand, he reached out to the door, and opened it.

There was a boy standing in front of him, breathless and flushed, as if he had run for miles. For a second, he seemed only vaguely familiar, then...

"Sebastian?"

The other boy stared at him for a second, as if he saw him for the first time, and in the next second he rushed forward and smashed their lips together. The sheer force of it made Blaine gasp, and then...

He blinked, as Sebastian stepped back and looked at him. That... had just happened. This was... it wasn't...

"Blaine?"

He blinked several times, as he kept looking at Sebastian, and then, he felt the shadow of a smile form on his face.

"I didn't know you were coming over," he said. "Sorry, I'm... I really don't know where my head is right now."

"That's fine," Sebastian said. He put an arm around Blaine's shoulder as he led him inside the house. "So... how do you feel now?"

"Still fuzzy," Blaine said. For some reason, Sebastian's face fell.

"Oh... Well, just let me take care of you and you'll be fine in no time."

"Blaine?" His mother stepped into the hallway again. "Who was it?"

"Just Sebastian, Mom."

His mother blinked at him in confusion, then she looked at Sebastian. "Oh. Yes, of course, your boyfriend. It's good to see you, dear."

"Thank you, Ma'am," Sebastian said.

"If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to get to," his mother said. "Can you keep an eye on Blaine? He isn't well."

"Of course, Ma'am," Sebastian said. Putting a little more pressure on the arm around him, he led Blaine up the stairs. It felt like just a bit too much force to be comfortable. But that was probably just because he was feeling so strange anyway.

It was for the best to have him here, though. Blaine still felt... dazed. It would be good to have somebody here to look after him... to have his... boyfriend?

It should be fine. He just needed some sleep. He was clearly coming down with something. That's why he felt shaky, and tired, and like he might want to shake off the arm around him.

It would be alright when he woke up.


	2. Chapter 1 - Going Through The Motions

**Chapter 1 - Going Through The Motions**

It wasn't even dawn when Kurt couldn't stay in bed any longer. He felt restless and shaky, as if he hadn't slept at all last night. When his feet hit the floor, he flinched. It felt cold on his bare skin, and as uncomfortable as he should have expected from an old, wooden floor.

Sometimes, especially in the mornings, he felt unnerved by the loft they were living in. It was cheap, and it was theirs, but ever since he had returned from his summer in Lima, it just hadn't felt like home. It felt too open, and at the same time both too crowded and too empty. He wasn't sure what to call this feeling. He would have gone with homesickness, but if he was completely honest, even his dad's house had felt strange during those last few days. Maybe the problem wasn't the location, it might be him. He couldn't even put his finger on what was wrong. It was just a general feeling of unease, like something was missing.

Getting ready for the day had become a series of automatisms for Kurt. Before, he would have made a big deal out of choosing his outfits in advance. He still was careful with what he wore – working at Vogue did demand a certain level of style – but he had stopped playing with accessories and different combinations. He wore a style that was following the current trends, but when he looked at himself in the mirror, he realized his outfits were missing a more personal note. It looked good, but it didn't look like Kurt Hummel, not really.

He just couldn't bring himself to bother with it.

Rachel and Santana were both asleep, when Kurt left. It was still too early for his classes, but lately he often went to NYADA long before he had to, when he couldn't stand staying at the loft anymore. He used the extra time to rehearse texts, scales and dance moves – whatever felt best at the moment. Texts kept his mind from running in circles, dance moves exhausted him to the point where his mind just had to shut up, and singing... sometimes it was almost cathartic, sometimes it made him feel so lost that his throat would refuse to work.

Today felt like a day to dance. But even the exhaustion of an hour of increasingly difficult dance moves didn't manage to calm him down. His mind was still racing around. There was something wrong, things he needed to do, but he couldn't figure out what it was. What had he forgotten?

With a sigh, he ran his hand through his hair, not even caring if it got messed up in the process. After the dance session, it was probably a lost cause anyway.

At the feeling of his fingers against his scalp, he felt a surge of panic go through him. He stared at his hand, his fingers, only to find them bare. Where was it?

He turned around, but there was nothing lying on the floor of the dance studio. Kurt gasped for breath. He couldn't have lost it, could he? It should be right there, on his finger but...

But no, now that he thought about it, he didn't wear rings.

Just where had that come from?

"Kurt?"

He looked to the door as he heard Rachel's voice. She was just coming into the studio, dressed in her dancing outfit, and her bag slung over her shoulder. "How long have you been here?"

Kurt thought for a moment, but he couldn't say, so he just shrugged.

Rachel gave him a long, concerned look, that Kurt really didn't want to deal with right now, or ever.

"Do you want to get warmed up?" he asked.

Rachel sighed. "We both know that lunatic Cassandra will have my skin if I don't," she said with a dry smile.

Kurt went to his own bag to have some water before the actual class started. Slowly, the other students started to come in. It was still early, but nobody wanted to be late for class with Cassandra July, not since she and Rachel had buried their enmity and she still hadn't picked a new Least Favorite Student.

Kurt's mood slightly improved during the class. He didn't mind Cassandra July's style of teaching. In fact, it was one of the easier classes for him. What she wanted were clear, precise movements, not heart. These days, perfection was easier than emotion. Also, in class he was pushed much farther than he could even manage in his own training sessions. It was so exhausting, that it was impossible to think about anything, or worry about things he couldn't even name.

But as usual, by the time they went to their next class, Kurt's thoughts had caught up with him once more. There was that feeling again, as if there were bugs under his skin and he just couldn't figure out how to get rid of them.

Rachel was still giving him that look, but that too had become something that Kurt had gotten used to. He knew she was worried about him. He could even understand that she was concerned – if he was honest, he shared that feeling – but still, he dreaded the day when she would finally say something. It was nice to be cared for, he guessed, but he didn't know what to tell her if she asked him what was going on. He hadn't figured it out himself, yet.

* * *

By lunch time, Kurt was already tired of the day. To his relief, he was done with his classes for today. It didn't mean free time – after lunch, he still had to go to Vogue – but right now he was looking forward to it. School took a different level of concentration compared to work.

He always had a lot to do these days, between NYADA, Vogue and the diner. It was exhausting, and sometimes he had no idea how he managed it at all, but he preferred it this way. The busier he was, the easier it was to keep his mind occupied. He just wanted to distract himself from whatever it was that kept him so riled up all the time. It had come to the point where free time wasn't relaxing – it felt like a chore. But between not sleeping well and all those activities, Kurt sometimes wasn't sure he had the energy to go through the day.

Rachel was walking beside him to the cafeteria to grab a quick lunch. She had a rehearsal to get to, and was currently giving him a detailed description on what exactly was wrong with her understudy's dancing abilities. Kurt was always relieved when Rachel talked about her rehearsals. At least it meant that he didn't need to say anything, just walk by her side and nod from time to time. Whenever he managed to get her to talk about Funny Girl, at least she didn't look at him with that concerned, almost pitying look, the one that made him fear that today would be the day she finally would want to have a talk...

But by the time they sat down with their lunch at a table, Rachel was done with her latest tale. She just watched him again with exactly that look, and when she opened her mouth Kurt knew he had finally run out of luck.

"Kurt?" she said. "Can I say something?"

"Since when would you let anything stop you?"

She frowned at him. "I'm serious, Kurt."

He sighed. "Spit it out, Rachel."

Rachel hesitated for a moment, and then, with a visible inhale, she took something out of her purse and put it onto the table in front of her. The first thing Kurt saw was colorful paper, and his immediate thought was that she had put some of Miss Pillsbury's self-made pamphlets in front of him. A second look told him that this was exactly what she had done.

"Santana and I are worried about you," Rachel said. "You have changed, Kurt. Ever since you came back from your summer break in Ohio, you've been different."

Kurt glared at her. "You're being ridiculous," he said and tried to sound as haughty as possible. He knew that she was right, it was glaringly obvious. But he didn't want to take a closer look at just what exactly was wrong with him. He had no idea what it could be, but he had a feeling he wouldn't like the answer. With a sigh, he took up the first pamphlet. It showed a kid playing with several test tubes filled with different-colored liquids, and the gray text on top read "So you're brain chemistry has gone out of whack".

"This is serious, Kurt," Rachel said.

With a snort he showed her the pamphlet before he looked at the other one. It showed a young girl that looked so depressed that Kurt couldn't even keep looking at her. She was sitting in a chair, while her room flowed apart around her like Dali's melting pocket watches. This one's title was "When life doesn't seem to make sense anymore".

"I'm not insane, Rachel," Kurt said, his glare intensifying.

"I'm not saying that! All I'm saying is that you're showing some symptoms of depression, and Santana and I worry about you," Rachel said.

"Really? Santana and you? Then why aren't we having this conversation with her, at home?" Kurt asked.

Rachel sighed. "I suggested an intervention, but she wouldn't go for it. Then I suggested this, but she didn't want to confront you and told me to let you figure it out yourself."

"That's a wonderful idea and you should listen to her," Kurt said.

"No!"

Kurt sighed. He knew that expression. It was pure determination, and god help whoever it was directed at.

"Kurt, I'm serious! You have trouble sleeping, your appetite is gone, and you walk around this place like a zombie. I don't even remember the last time I saw you smile, and you have headaches all the time!"

"No, I don't. I just pretend I do, so you and Santana leave me alone," Kurt said. And it wasn't as if that was a complete lie – only about seventy percent.

Of course, it couldn't deter Rachel. "Social withdrawal is another symptom, Kurt," she said. "Face it, you're not okay, and we notice, and we are very concerned about you, and so is your dad!"

"What?!"

To her credit, Rachel at least had the decency to look sorry. "Kurt, I-"

"You called my dad?"

"We were worried, and you don't exactly listen when we try to talk to you!"

"You did _not_ bother my dad with some ridiculous theory just because I don't feel up for a freaking sing-along every single day, Rachel!"

"You can protest all you want, but he was worried about you before I even said a word," Rachel replied. "You hardly talk to him anymore! When is the last time you called him?"

"That's none of your business, Rachel! You had no right to pull my dad into this!"

"Why are you so defensive? I'm not trying to attack you, all I want is to help you!"

"And as always you show the tact of a sledge hammer," Kurt said with a scathing voice. "I don't need you to save me, Rachel. Did it ever occur to you that I didn't ask for your help because I don't need it? I'm fine, and now stay out of my life."

"But Kurt-"

"This conversation is over, Rachel!" With one last glare he stood up and walked out of the cafeteria. He could hear Rachel call after him – "At least _look_ at the pamphlets!" – but he didn't turn around. This was simply wonderful. Now his dad was worrying about him. As if he didn't have enough on his plate already.

With his thoughts still on his dad and what exactly he should tell him now, Kurt made his way to his next class. He was just on the stairs to the second floor, when he heard a voice apparently directed at him.

"Excuse me?"

With an exasperated sigh, Kurt turned around – and stopped. Two steps under him, there was a boy he could have sworn he had seen around somewhere, although on the spot he couldn't remember where that might have been. He had dark hair that was slicked back, he was wearing unremarkable clothes – especially for NYADA – but there was something in his eyes that Kurt couldn't quite describe.

"Can I help you? My name is Kurt."

"Blaine," the boy answered with a certain sense of relief. "Thank you. I'm still kind of new here, and I think I'm a bit lost."

"I can imagine," Kurt said and stepped down so they were on the same height – or at least almost. "You're a freshman?"

Blaine nodded. "I have to be at Dance 101 in ten minutes, and I'm not sure how I get there from here."

"Haven't you been there before?" Kurt asked. "This isn't exactly the first week of the term..."

"I know," Blaine said, clearly uncomfortable, "but this whole place is still confusing me. I usually just follow some other students, but I had to see a professor between classes, and now I'm not sure how to get there... or where I am, really."

"Say no more," Kurt said. "I got lost ten times in one day when I started here." It had been twice, but Kurt didn't think that the details mattered at the moment.

"Oh, thank you," Blaine said, "I was losing hope here, to tell you the truth. Almost every person I ask for directions doesn't even stop."

"That's NYADA for you," Kurt said. "Believe me, this place is a shark tank."

"But I can trust you?"

Kurt was caught off guard for a moment, but recovered quickly. "Only one way to find out, isn't there?"

Blaine smiled at him. "I think I'll give it a try."

"Well, good," Kurt said. His face felt strange, and it took him an embarrassingly long time to realize that he, too, had started to smile. Now where had that come from?

"So... shall we?" Blaine asked with a raised eyebrow.

Kurt's smile got wider, and then, surprising himself, he took the other boy's hand. "Come on, I know a short cut."

* * *

"Did you do that?"

"I swear, he wasn't like that when he left. He was still completely in denial and wouldn't even look at the pamphlets!"

"Are you sure? Because it looks like you used some free anti-depressant samples in your intervention."

"I'd _never_-"

Kurt sighed and shook his head as he tried to ignore his room mates' loudly whispered conversation. He wasn't sure they were even trying to keep it a secret, especially Santana, but he found that he didn't care. He could understand why they were confused. He knew that he hadn't been the easiest person to be around for the last few weeks. But today, he had been easy and relaxed, hadn't even snapped at Rachel for that stupid pamphlet maneuver, had been patient with every barb Santana had thrown at them, and had even ignored their squabble about tonight's TV program in favor of getting a bit further in the book he was reading.

He wasn't sure why, but today had somehow seemed... brighter, or maybe sharper, as if everything had been more focused than usual. And if he thought about it, that feeling had started after he had met Blaine.

Kurt wasn't the hopeless romantic anymore he had been upon graduation – New York and especially NYADA did that to people – and he absolutely did not believe in something as ridiculous as love at first sight. But he couldn't deny that something unusual had happened today. He hadn't spent much time with Blaine – just enough to lead him to Cassandra July's class room via not exactly a short cut but at least a scenic and memorable route, that Blaine probably would be able to remember for the next time. Kurt still had this weird feeling of déjà-vû, as if he had met Blaine before, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Blaine had seemed quite sure when asked that he at least didn't remember any previous meeting. Kurt still wished, that he had more time to talk to the boy. Then again, they went to the same school. There would be another opportunity.

"Oh dear god, is he _smiling_?! What did you give him, Berry?"

"I didn't do anything! Kurt?" Rachel came closer to where he was sitting on the couch, slowly, as if she was approaching a dangerous animal. "Are you feeling well?"

"I feel fine, Rachel, thank you," Kurt said, "though I would feel even better if you stopped talking about me as if I wasn't in the room."

"Well," Santana said, while checking out her nail-polish, "honestly, I don't care what you did, just keep doing it, cause this whole ice queen thing is getting really old."

Kurt just rolled his eyes at that. Despite her voice he knew that she and Rachel had both been worried about him – still were, really – and when he thought about it, it made him feel warm to know that the girls cared about him like that. It almost made him want to find out what was going on with him and fix it, if only so they could stop worrying. On the other hand, he was feeling better than he had in a while, so maybe he was just getting better without having to figure it out?

"I think I'll call it a night," Kurt said and waved at the girls before he went to the bathroom. He could still hear them whispering – well, mainly Rachel, with Santana throwing in some sharp-tongued remarks that made him roll his eyes – while he was going through his moisturizing routine. Now that he thought of it, he had let that slide a bit lately. He should take better care of himself...

By the time he lay down in his bed, the girls had stopped discussing him and had returned to watching some movie they had managed to agree on. It usually ended with something they both hated equally, but at least they had learned to keep the volume down when somebody was trying to sleep. It was a nice gesture, although Kurt was sure that it wouldn't matter anyway. He wasn't exactly sleeping well lately, and would probably lie around, listening to them and trying to calm his thoughts enough that he could actually go to sleep. It was what he had come to expect.

Instead, he hardly heard the movie's opening, before he slipped out of consciousness. He woke again to rays of sunshine, only a few minutes before his alarm clock would go off. He felt calm and rested. This had to have been the best night's sleep in ages.

Kurt wasn't sure what he had been dreaming about, but when he tried to capture it, he remembered a feeling of calm and wonder, and the image of a huge, ornate corridor, a dark-haired boy in a navy blazer, and the question, what exactly the definition of a short cut was.

It was obviously something his brain had thrown together from meeting Blaine yesterday. Kurt only wondered why this dream image felt more real than most of the last few weeks had.


	3. Chapter 2 - I Want The Fire Back

**Chapter 2: I Want The Fire Back**

When Blaine returned home from school, the apartment was just a slight improvement to the cold wind outside. The walls were as white as they had been when they moved in, the furniture was in dark colors as a contrast to the bright floor, and the light bulbs sent a cold light through the rooms, reminding Blaine more of an operating room than a place to live in. There were a few paintings in the living room, made by up-and-coming artists, but to Blaine, they didn't mean a thing. He hadn't picked one of them. Then again, he hadn't refused any of them either.

Today had been a bad day. Most days on which he had classes with Carmen Tibideaux were bad. He understood that NYADA was an excellent school, and of course the professors there would be stricter than at a normal school. He also knew that he hadn't really given his best performances lately – or even just good ones. He knew he must have been better at some point, otherwise he never would have been accepted into NYADA in the first place. Once, there had been passion in his performances, and heart. It had gotten so much harder to find that inspiration and just let go.

He must have done something right during his audition, but every time Carmen Tibideaux looked at him with disappointment, he knew that he wasn't able to reach that potential anymore. If only he knew what was holding him back...

As he sank back into the dark leather couch, Blaine tried to think back on his audition. He closed his eyes and thought back as hard as he could. When he really tried, he could remember the piano, excitement, and he even thought there had been people in the auditorium, people who were on his side... but he hadn't know anybody in NYADA or New York, and he didn't think Sebastian had come with him for the audition. Maybe there had been students who had liked his performance... it wasn't completely unrealistic. Blaine tried to remember the atmosphere of his audition, but nothing came to him. The closest he got was the memory of feeling a spark that turned into a flame. And now?

Blaine opened his eyes again. It was gone. That... spark, or whatever it had been, was gone. He didn't even completely remember what it felt like, much less how to ignite it again.

Actually...

Blaine noticed that he was stroking with his thumb over his right hand. That spark had been there, earlier today. Under Carmen Tibideaux's strictness, he had almost forgotten. But earlier today, when that boy, Kurt, had taken his hand... there had been a spark, a flash of warmth running through his hand, and it had felt as if it had gone straight into his blood stream.

Even now, when he thought back to that moment, he could feel goosebumps forming on his arms... but no. He shook his head in an attempt to get these thoughts out of his head. It had been nothing. It couldn't have been anything. He didn't need some stranger. He just needed a spark to give better performances, and whatever... _that_ had been, it hadn't helped him perform.

With a sigh, Blaine looked to the clock at the wall. It was a designer piece full of reflecting surfaces, with red gleaming hands that were running randomly and completely useless in front of a digital display. Blaine didn't even want to know how much Sebastian had paid for the thing. But it was his apartment, so that implied that he had the right to decorate it however he wanted. They had moved in here together, but Blaine never had felt like contributing much to the interior. In the end, Sebastian had just taken some more of his father's money and paid a decorator. If Blaine had to pick, he probably wouldn't hire them for anything else.

A shiver ran through him. The apartment was still cool. He thought about turning up the heat, but that would require moving. Blaine looked around for a moment, then took a blanket he kept lying around in the living room. Wrapped up in it, Blaine looked up at the ridiculous clock again. Sebastian would be home at some time during the next hour, and it would be nice to have dinner by then. For a moment, Blaine considered what they had standing around in their cupboards, but then he just slumped back into himself again. He felt too exhausted. They could order something later. Right now, he just wanted to take a nap and try to forget NYADA and Carmen Tibideaux.

Or he could do what a responsible student should and practice. He looked to the concert piano standing on the other side of the apartment. It was magnificent, and probably still not the most expensive thing they had in here. But unlike most other things, at least it felt somewhat real. With a sigh, Blaine pulled the blanket tighter around him before he made his way to the piano and opened it.

There had been the tiniest spark earlier today. Maybe he could translate it into music somehow. The piano came easier to him than singing or dancing. It was still more mechanic than he liked, but it was somehow easier to put feeling into playing. After a few deep breaths, Blaine closed his eyes and just started. The melody that came out was slow and melancholic, not exactly what he had been looking for. But the moment he tried to play something more uplifting, he lost the rhythm and missed every other key. He tried to think of his audition, tried to embody any of the other performances he had seen lately that had actually felt inspiring, but it was of no use.

He could stop. He could close the piano, return to the couch and turn on the TV, waiting for Sebastian to come home.

Or maybe...

Blaine closed his eyes and tried to remember the spark from earlier, the warmth running through his blood when Kurt had taken his hand. He tried to remember the feeling of skin, of direction and warmth, and then...

And then, he played.

He didn't go through complicated pieces, but it was softer, happier than anything he had tried lately, and for a short while it felt like breathing. From one piece, he started into another, trying to capture that feeling. The different pieces wove into each other, until he couldn't even remember anymore what he had started with.

Eventually, he played the last note. His hands stayed on the keys. There was a fine tremor running through them, and for a moment, it was enough to just sit there and breathe deeply. Music hadn't felt this intense since... He couldn't even tell anymore.

"That was amazing."

Blaine flinched violently and looked to his right. Sebastian was leaning against the couch, looking at him. A shudder ran down his spine. He hadn't even heard Sebastian coming in.

"How long have you been standing there?" Blaine asked, trying to not let on how shaken he was.

"A while," Sebastian said and stepped closer. He let a hand rest on Blaine's shoulder. This time, Blaine managed to suppress the shudder. "I haven't heard you play in a while," Sebastian continued, "I started to worry if that piano was a wasted investment."

Blaine hesitated for a moment. "I just felt like it," he said eventually.

There was a soft smile on Sebastian's face. It had become rarer over the course of the last weeks, ever since they had moved into this apartment. "Well, good," he said. There was almost a note of relief in the way he looked at Blaine. "So, I take it you had a good day?"

Now that Blaine thought about it again, it did seem like one of the better days. Still, that was mostly about that one encounter.

"Nothing special," Blaine said. "Yours?"

Sebastian's expression fell slightly. "Fine," he said. "I brought sushi on the way home. Are you hungry?"

By now, Blaine had stopped even thinking about that question. "I could eat," he said instead, which wasn't even a lie. He could eat, he just wasn't particularly interested.

"Right," Sebastian said, and by now the rest of his smile had faded, too. "I'll set the table, we can eat in a few minutes."

"Thank you," Blaine said.

Sebastian hesitated and looked at him uncertainly for a moment. "Could you..." he started.

"What?"

"Could you play some more?"

It was such a simple request. "Okay," Blaine said softly and put his hands back on the keys. It should be easy. He knew so many songs, only a few minutes ago he had been playing them. But now, nothing came. He could feel Sebastian's eyes on him. He had to play_ something_.

The melody that came was slow and melancholic, no comparison to the more passionate pieces he had played before. For a while, he could feel Sebastian watching him, but when he turned his head, Sebastian went into the kitchen.

Blaine sighed and tried to concentrate on what he was playing, but whatever had worked before, it was gone now. He stopped, eventually, after what felt like the hundredth missed key.

"Perfect timing," Sebastian said. Blaine didn't point out that he had been waiting there for a few minutes.

"I'm out of practice," he said instead and went over to the table, leaving the blanket behind on the piano bench.

"You'll get it back, eventually," Sebastian said. "Sit down, eat something. You'll feel better."

With a nod, Blaine sat down and took the chopsticks waiting for him. At least while eating he wouldn't be expected to talk.

"Blaine?"

He looked up to find Sebastian watching at him with an expression he couldn't quite figure out.

"Are you happy?"

Blaine froze for a second. The look in Sebastian eyes changed, got almost desperate.

"I... I guess," he answered after only a few seconds of hesitation.

Sebastian, too, was silent for a moment before he spoke again. "Well, good," he said. His voice sounded calm, but Blaine could see something in his face that looked almost crushed. He didn't know how to react to it, either, so he just turned back to the sushi and started eating.

Sebastian was watching him, but then again, he was always doing that. Blaine wasn't sure what to think of it. But they were together. They lived together, they had been dating for a long time now, and he knew that they were in love. It was fine. It was enough. It had to be.

* * *

By the end of the week, Kurt was cursing his bad luck. NYADA wasn't a big school. It was ridiculously hard to get into any program. Then why was it so hard to find one single person? Granted, it had been only a week, and he had mostly tried to look around during the breaks and in the cafeteria, but it still seemed weird that he hadn't caught sight of Blaine even once.

In spite of how restless he got, the girls were content with his change of attitude. Rachel, especially, was happy, after spending the first two days first concerned and suspicious. But by now she seemed confident that Kurt's improved mood would stick. In fact, she was walking with him right now and looked around the halls as if she, too, was looking for something.

"What, Rachel?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," she said, although there was that annoying note in her voice that usually meant she was about to share some gossip. "So, Kurt, I know you don't want to discuss this, but I feel like I have to bring it up. You've been different these last few days."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "There we go again..."

"And I was wondering, if there was any connection-"

"To your pamphlets? No, Rachel, stop asking, I am not going to touch those things."

"First of all, I am trying to look out for you. And two, I wasn't going to ask about that. Actually, I heard a rumor that... Where are you going?"

But he ignored her, because right at that moment, he had finally spotted what he had been looking for. At the outskirts of what Kurt assumed were a group of freshmen, he discovered Blaine, his eyes buried into a notebook.

"Hello, stranger!"

To his disappointment, Blaine ignored him until Kurt touched his arm. Then, he flinched and looked up. It was worth it, though, for the smile that appeared on his face.

"Kurt, hey!"

"Fancy seeing you here," Kurt said. "Where are you going?"

Blaine sighed. "Theory of drama with Winston," he said without much enthusiasm.

"Well, at least you'll get some sleep," Kurt said and fell into step beside Blaine. "How did your dance class go?"

"It went fine, actually," Blaine said, "I get that Cassandra July is scary, but she mostly ignores me."

"Lucky you," Kurt said. "So, how full is your agenda today?"

"It could be worse," Blaine said, although there was a note of hesitation now, "why?"

All bravado Kurt had felt just from finally finding the boy started to fade away under that hesitant voice. "Well," he said, and sounded way more flustered than he would have liked, "I was wondering if you would maybe like to get coffee with me?"

At this, Blaine actually stopped walking. "Er... why?"

This was not going the way Kurt had hoped it would, but now it was too late to back out. "I just thought it would be nice to get to know a few more people here," he said, "and I think I'd like to know _you_ better, so... it's just coffee, I promise, no secret intentions."

Blaine hesitated, but then he nodded. "Yeah, sure. I... I'd like that," he said.

"Alright," Kurt said, "I know a pretty good coffee shop close by, it's kind of a hangout for NYADA students."

"I've actually wanted to try that one," Blaine said. "Let's see, I've got classes till after lunch, but is three okay?"

"Absolutely," Kurt said. "Let's meet there?"

"Okay, sounds great," Blaine said, and his smile seemed more relaxed now. "I'll see you later, Kurt."

"Bye!" Kurt waved as Blaine returned to the flock of freshmen. Mission accomplished. Kurt just hoped the smile on his face didn't look as ridiculous as it felt.

"Now, who was that?"

Damn, he had forgotten about Rachel.

"Will I get away with saying nobody?"

"Are you kidding me? Not a chance," Rachel said. She was beaming widely, and looped an arm through his. "So I see those rumors I heard about you and a musical theater freshman from Ohio are absolutely true."

Kurt looked to her quickly. "He's from Ohio?"

Rachel blinked, then she grinned even wider. "I take it you're not spending your time talking, then?"

"Rachel..."

"He went to Dalton Academy, I think he was the Warblers' lead singer for some time," Rachel said. "I'm surprised I don't remember him, actually. And why don't you know that, he's _your_ boy!"

"He's not my boy, I just told him how to get to a class room once," Kurt said.

"People saw you walking hand in hand through the school," Rachel said drily.

"I hardly know him, Rachel."

"But you want to."

Kurt turned to her in surprise. "I..." He wasn't sure what to say. He didn't know Blaine. He might have had a few vivid dreams about him that seemed more like memories than actual dreams... but he didn't know Blaine. Although... did he want to change that?

Definitely.

"You don't have to say anything," Rachel said and put her head on his shoulder. "Just..." She hesitated, then she smiled at him. "He's cute, you should go for it."

He could have hugged her right there.

"And I promise I won't tell Santana. Yet."

Kurt groaned. Spoken to soon, again.

* * *

True to her word, Rachel hadn't bothered him for the rest of the day. Of course, it hadn't helped Kurt with his nerves as he was waiting at the coffee shop. This was not a date. This was just coffee. There was no reason to be nervous.

Fortunately, he didn't have to wait long until Blaine entered the coffee shop. He looked tired, definitely in need of some caffeine, but when he saw Kurt, he smiled.

"Hey," he said, "it's good to see you."

"You as well," Kurt said and tried not to sound breathless. "Did you sleep well?"

Blaine looked at him in confusion.

"Your class," Kurt said quickly.

Blaine laughed. "Oh, yeah, that. It was fine," he said, "but I really need that coffee."

"Coming right up," Kurt said as he led Blaine up to the counter and addressed the barista. "A grande non-fat mocha and a medium drip for him."

He turned to see Blaine looking at him in surprise, his hand at his wallet.

"It's on me," he said quickly.

"Er... yeah, okay, thanks," Blaine said, but Kurt noticed that he still sounded a bit confused.

"Everything okay?" Kurt asked, while their drinks were prepared. And then it suddenly came to him. "Oh my god, I don't even know if you like that. I'm so sorry, I just..." He hesitated. Why on earth had he ordered that? He had said it almost as if on instinct...

"It's fine, really," Blaine said. "I'm just glad it's coffee." At least, he didn't seem too distressed. When they started to fix their drinks, Kurt noticed that Blaine's movements seemed practiced, as if he had done this a million times already.

"What's your usual coffee order then?" Kurt asked as they went to a free table.

Blaine shrugged. "I don't really have a fix order," he said, "it changes. I usually take it as a latte with flavor shots, or frappuccino's... Mostly Starbucks, so whatever their special is, really."

Kurt missed a step as he looked at him almost appalled.

"It's not that bad," Blaine said and looked down quickly.

"No, don't. I didn't mean to be rude," Kurt said, "but trust me, if you just stick to Starbucks you're missing a whole world of coffee."

"Well, maybe the medium drip is exactly my drink," Blaine said with a shrug. With a smile to Kurt, he took a sip. His eyes widened almost comically and he took another sip.

"Is that a yes?" Kurt said. He wasn't quite sure if Blaine was making fun of him or if the reaction was real, but then Blaine looked up and what he saw was genuine surprise.

"I... I think so, yes," Blaine said. He took another sip, as if to make sure, and the tiniest smile appeared on his face. "I really like this. How did you know?"

"Lucky guess," Kurt said. It was the best idea he had himself.

"I think I'll stick to this one," Blaine said.

"Well, good. The coffee order is an important thing," Kurt said. He almost felt like cursing himself again – what a stupid thing to say – but Blaine smiled at it, so it couldn't have been completely ridiculous.

"How long have you been at NYADA?" Blaine asked.

"I just got in last spring," Kurt said, "But I've been in New York for a year now. I really had to get out of Ohio."

"That's funny, I'm from Ohio, too," Blaine said. "Where are you from? Maybe I've heard of it."

"It's called Lima," Kurt said. "I don't think you've heard of it."

"Actually, I have," Blaine said, "I went to school in Westerville. Dalton Academy, maybe you heard of it?"

"Our glee club competed against them," Kurt said. When Rachel had mentioned it, he had tried to remember some performances of the warblers with Blaine as their lead singer, but none came to mind. All he could remember was some weird guy with a weasel-like face as their lead, that had definitely looked nothing like Blaine. For some reason Kurt also remembered wanting to punch that guy right into his smirk, but he had no idea why.

"Really?" Blaine frowned at him. "What school were you?"

"The New Directions from McKinley," Kurt answered.

Blaine's frown got deeper, as if he tried to remember them. "I'm not sure... those competitions are all a bit fuzzy..."

"It's been a while," Kurt replied, "I don't remember most of the other performing schools myself."

"Yeah, I guess..." Blaine trailed off, but the frown stayed in his face, as if something was still bothering him. "So... what was it like, your club?"

"Oh dear, you have no idea what you just started," Kurt said and took a sip from his mocha in preparation for the wildest anecdotes he could think of. Even the highlights of his old choir were enough to fill hours.

They didn't stay on one topic, though. They went from glee clubs over different experiences with sports teams to favorite musicals and celebrities, with the topics changing so rapidly that Kurt sometimes had problems to keep track of the conversation himself. Once, when he blinked, he thought he saw Blaine sitting in front of him, clad in a red cardigan and just looking at him full of adoration. Kurt blinked several times, and then Blaine was back to the navy colored sweater with just the collar of a white shirt peaking out, and the look on his face was interested, but definitely not more.

"Sorry, where were we?" Kurt asked.

"I'm actually not quite sure," Blaine said, "I was still trying to imagine you walking in those shoes... How is that even humanly possible?"

"I may have had to sell my soul," Kurt said. "Didn't you do costumes at Dalton?"

"No, we had our school uniforms, that was all," Blaine said. He stopped and started to get a far away look in his eyes. "Though I think I made a cape once..."

"A cape?"

"You know," Blaine said and with a few blinks he was back with him again, "like a super hero cape."

"You're kidding! Do you still have that?"

Blaine frowned. "I'm not sure... I don't even remember ever wearing it... but I think I saw it when I packed for New York. There was..." He flinched, and one of his hand instinctively flew up to his forehead. "I don't know, it's in Ohio anyway."

"You should take a picture the next time you're there," Kurt said.

Blaine shook his head. "That might be a while... we're not exactly very close. My parents-" He stopped then, and Kurt could hear the sound of a vibration alarm going off. Instinctively, he grasped for his own phone, but Blaine was pulling his out of his coat's pocket. He read something, and the frown returned.

"I'm so sorry," he said when he looked back at Kurt, "but I really have to go."

"Oh," Kurt said, "something important?"

"Kind of," Blaine said, "I shouldn't be late for this. I'm really sorry. I had a great time, though."

"Right, of course, I get it, you have to go," Kurt said. "I guess I'll see you around NYADA?"

Blaine nodded and got up, but then he stopped and turned back at Kurt. "Or we could exchange numbers, so we don't have to wait until we happen to run into each other?"

Kurt smiled. "Good idea," he said.

After the quick number exchange, Blaine waved and left the coffee shop. Kurt sighed and looked from the number to the door. It had been a great afternoon, and he had the proof that Blaine had had fun as well. They'd see each other again, soon. But now he had learned another thing about Blaine – he really hated the sight of him leaving.


	4. Chapter 3 - Where There's Life

**Chapter 3 - Where There's Life, There's Hope  
**

_Dark shadows... the beat of music... it was fine, everything should be fine... but it wasn't... What was wrong?_

_Then, a flash of red. _

_A surge of protectiveness flooded through him. Not him, he couldn't let them touch him!_

_It was instinct, diving forwards, to protect, to take the attack onto himself, and then..._

_Pain._

Blaine woke up screaming, and drenched in cold sweat. He sat up straight, his hands flew to his eyes, trying to scratch out something that wasn't there anymore. It had to get out, it was hurting him, he needed...

Then, there were arms around him, prying his hands off his face, and he was pulled against something solid. Those arms wrapped around his own, holding him so tightly, that he couldn't move. He was fighting against the embrace, or was it an entrapment, trying to get away, far away from whoever was trying to hurt him. And there was a voice in his ear.

"Stop it, Blaine, you're home, you're safe, everything's fine! Please just calm down! Stop it already!"

The voice was lying.

He doubled his efforts and tried even harder to break free. Whoever was holding him, he had to get away. He needed to be free of his grip, of that voice, and how on earth could he get out?

But those arms held him in a vice-like grip, and despite his struggles, Blaine didn't manage to get free. Eventually, he sank into himself, shaking violently, and too weak to fight any more. He just tried to breathe, to gather strength, and to make it stop. All the time, the voice kept talking in his ear.

Slowly, he started to recognize the sound of it, and then he realized what was happening.

"Sebastian?" he asked. His voice sounded hoarse, and speaking was almost painful from all the screaming.

"I'm here," Sebastian said, although his voice sounded miles away. "Are you okay?"

Blaine took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes. Was he okay?

"This one was worse," he said instead. "Why won't this stop?"

"You've been through a lot," Sebastian said softly. The grip he had around Blaine loosened, and felt more like an actual embrace now. "Of course that left traces."

Blaine sighed in frustration and shook his head. "It's been years... why can't I get over this?"

Sebastian let his hand stroke over Blaine's hair. He wanted to flinch away from how cold it felt against his skin.

"Give it time," Sebastian said.

With a shudder, Blaine buried his face in his hands. He knew in theory what those memories were from. A few years ago, he had been attacked after a school dance. Consciously, he didn't remember much from between leaving the dance and waking up in the hospital. But in his dreams, the events kept haunting him, even now, years later.

Suddenly, he felt as if he was choking. Everything touching him felt wrong – the bed he was sitting in, Sebastian holding him, even the very air he was breathing. It felt as if something was inside him, trying to claw its way out, and now he couldn't even scream anymore.

"I need some air," he muttered. He hoped Sebastian didn't notice how quickly he wanted to get away from him. Before he left the bedroom, he looked behind once more. There was a look of sadness on his boyfriend's face, but even that couldn't touch him.

He made a short stop in the living room where he got a blanket and wrapped himself up in it. Then, he stepped out onto the balcony. New York never was quiet, and even now he could hear the traffic far below him. It was bright, too. The night sky above him looked completely empty, there was not one star to be seen. Shuddering, Blaine wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. He didn't miss Ohio, but sometimes he missed the stars.

Far below him, he could see the street lights. He had never lived in a skyscraper, and he really didn't need an apartment this high up. But that too hadn't been his choice. It hadn't even mattered much to him back then, when they had moved in here. He still wasn't sure if anything mattered...

The nightmares had become worse here. Blaine couldn't quite remember when they had started, or how they had felt before, but ever since he had moved into this apartment with Sebastian, they came more frequently and much more violently. At first Sebastian had tried to comfort him, to hold him after the nightmares until he fell asleep again. But that never worked. After these things, Blaine couldn't stand the feeling of his own skin. Sebastian's touch was so much worse. That, of course, was something he couldn't tell.

Eventually, his breathing slowed down to normal, and the shudders that went through him were caused by the cold, not by the nightmares. In a few minutes, he might have a chance at trying to go to sleep again. He really needed the rest. Tomorrow would be a rough day, and he could use every minute of sleep.

With a sigh, Blaine returned into the apartment. He put the blanket back down in the living room, before he went back into their bedroom. The lamp on his side of the bed was burning, but Sebastian was turned away from him, his eyes were closed and he was breathing softly. Blaine could almost believe that he was actually asleep, but he knew better. He couldn't even blame Sebastian. It had to be frustrating to have a boyfriend with so much baggage, who had these... night terrors, or whatever they were, on a regular base and couldn't stand to be touched after.

But thinking about it didn't help. So Blaine climbed into the bed, and with his back turned to Sebastian closed his eyes, hoping for sleep to come soon.

* * *

In the end, Blaine was relieved that he even found the way to NYADA the next day. Sleep had not come, which wasn't exactly new after these night terrors, and now Blaine felt so exhausted that he could hardly remember what his schedule was, much less how to get anywhere. His eyelids were heavy, his step slowed down, and all he really wanted was to lie down and sleep. Instead, he could look forward to a long, horrible day at school.

Maybe he should have just called in sick.

He passed the notice board, and just as he considered checking it, he saw Kurt standing there, apparently deeply engrossed in a poster by the film club. Blaine hesitated, wondering if he should come closer or say hello. But before he could decide, Kurt looked up and saw him.

It was astonishing how his face lit up within seconds. He smiled softly, but there was a spark in his eyes. Blaine stopped and just looked at him for a moment. It didn't happen often that somebody was this happy just to see him. The smile, however, dimmed quickly as Kurt came closer.

"What's wrong?" he asked when he was close enough that he could speak in a low voice, for which Blaine felt grateful. Still, it was a weird way t start a conversation.

"Why would you say that?" Blaine asked.

Kurt paused as he looked him over. "Have you seen yourself today? You look like an extra in some zombie film."

Blaine sighed and cast his eyes downward. "That's kind of what I feel like," he admitted.

"What is wrong,then?" Kurt asked. "I mean, I understand if you don't want to talk to me about it, but..."

"No!" Blaine was surprised himself how quickly he reacted to that. A bit sheepishly, he shrugged. "It's not that I don't want to tell you, it's just that there's not much to tell. I just really couldn't sleep last night. Nothing special, it just... happens."

Kurt watched him silently for a moment, and Blaine was almost sure he had said something wrong. But then, Kurt started to smile again. "You definitely need some caffeine," he said. "Come on, there's still time before your first class."

Automatically, Blaine followed him as he started to walk to the cafeteria.

"So, how's your schedule today? Not too crowded, I hope?"

Blaine sighed at that. "I wish," he said, "I have classes till..." He thought for a moment. "Five? I think five."

"Wow, I'm really sorry." Kurt looked at him sympathetically, and while it didn't help the situation, it did make Blaine feel better. Sebastian's reaction had basically been to ask how tough one day at a singing school could even be.

"I'm lucky today," Kurt said as they went through the corridors, "only morning classes, but I've got to work in the afternoon."

"You have a job?" Blaine asked.

Kurt shrugged, though Blaine could tell from his smile that he took at least some pride in it. "Well, I've got this job as a waiter at the Spotlight Diner," he said, "maybe you heard of it?"

"I think so," Blaine said, "is that the place with the singing waiters?"

Kurt laughed. "Well, it is since my room mates and me work there."

"Wait, _you're_ the singing waiters?"

"You should come visit at some point," Kurt said, "maybe you'll see an impromptu performance."

Blaine felt himself start to smile. "Maybe I'll do that," he said.

"So... any plans for lunch yet?" Kurt asked as they arrived at the cafeteria and stood in the cue.

"Well... eating," Blaine said with a shrug. "I haven't really brought anything... So, here, I guess."

Suddenly, Kurt was studying the menu behind the counter with a lot of concentration. "Well, mind if I join you?"

Blaine hesitated for a moment. It would be nice not to eat on his own. Especially around lunch, NYADA was starting to feel like public high school all over again. At Dalton, he hadn't been a loner, but now here at NYADA he had no friends whatsoever. Kurt was the first person who had taken any interest in him. Besides, what harm was there in lunch?

It was an easy decision.

"I'd like that," he said.

It was apparently the answer Kurt had waited for. "Well, good. Let's meet here at one?"

"Sounds good," Blaine said, before he turned to the barista. "Grande non-fat mocha and a medium drip to go, please."

There was a smile on Kurt's face when Blaine looked back at him. "Let me walk you to class?" Kurt suggested.

Blaine wasn't sure if that was flirting or if Kurt just assumed he wouldn't find his way to the class room – which was a bit of an exaggeration, but still not completely far-fetched. Either way, it was probably harmless.

"Lead the way."

* * *

There was a spring in Kurt's step as he walked through the diner, taking orders and bringing food to the tables. He couldn't even remember the last time he had felt any energy doing this job, but somehow it worked today.

He could see Santana watching him, and he could take a guess on what she was thinking. In his defense, it had been a good morning for him. He felt as if the classes had been easier today, the day hadn't dragged forever, and yes, that kind-of-not-really lunch-date had helped, too.

So, he might have a bit of a crush. There was nothing wrong with that. And unlike most of his crushes he remembered from his high school days, with Blaine he was at least seventy percent sure that he actually stood a chance.

If Kurt was completely honest with himself, it already seemed like a bit more than a crush. Before, he hadn't started dreaming about a guy the week they'd met. It wasn't even fantasizing. They were just... dreams. It had started with that dream of them running through a corridor, but that had only been beginning. Almost every time he fell asleep, he woke up with a memory of another dream, mostly small and almost unusual things. He dreamed of sitting with Blaine at Breadstix, the McKinley choir room, or at the Lima Bean, almost as if his mind tried to insert Blaine into his real memories of home. It couldn't be because he had learned that Blaine was from Ohio as well, and how easily it would have been for them to meet back there. At first that had seemed like a good theory, but then he had remembered that the dreams had started before he had found out about that.

That wasn't the only thing that was strange, though. They didn't feel like dreams. In fact, if Kurt hadn't known that he only met Blaine a few days ago, he could have sworn those were memories. Sometimes, right after waking up, he even knew how they continued.

Of course, he'd bite off his tongue before he'd mention it to anyone, especially Blaine. That would be the best way to come off as a complete creep.

It wasn't important, anyway – a bit strange, maybe, but not important. Kurt was not some kind of obsessive weirdo. He had just met somebody who was fascinating, attractive, and possibly interested in him. All he wanted to do was to get to know Blaine a bit better. Already, he was lighting up Kurt's days, and somehow he just felt warmer around the other boy, as if a haze around the world was lifting.

And if that was not worth pursuing, Kurt wasn't sure what was.

"So, Berry says you found yourself a boytoy, spill!"

Kurt rolled his eyes as Santana approached. "None of your business, Satan," he said, though even that didn't have the usual bite to it, "and you have customers."

"Actually, mine just left and I have nothing to do, so get over it and give me the deets."

Kurt sighed melodramatically, but followed her into the back of the diner to sit down. Santana lost no time to help herself to some of the snacks standing there, and watched him like a hawk while nibbling away. It felt as if he was in the focus of a prowling cat, but not even that could bother him today.

"Sorry to disappoint you, there are no 'deets'", Kurt said. "I met a guy at school, he's from Ohio, he's cute and fun, and no, I don't know if, like, he has a car."

"Seriously?" Santana sank back into her chair. She was almost scowling. "This is New York City! You're actually telling me in over a year the three of us still didn't get a dating story that was more exciting than Berry dating a gigolo?"

"You could come up with something," Kurt said. "You've been dating the same girl for months now, and that was the least melodramatic story I've ever heard."

"I guess I'm just that good," Santana said, "besides, I'm here to be entertained, not to be the entertainment. Well, at least not for you."

Kurt rolled his eyes, but at least this way he could avoid talking to her about Blaine. "We could set Rachel up with someone. There must be someone fitting running around New York..."

"Fitting? Where's the fun in that?" Santana said. "No, I want to watch a train wreck. But a hilarious one. Any chances with your boy for that?"

"I... really don't think so," Kurt said, "but I don't know him that well. I'll get back to you on that."

"What's his name?" Santana asked.

"Blaine."

Santana looked to the ceiling as if she was contemplating the name for a moment. Eventually, she shrugged. "Good enough, I guess," she said. "And hey, if he stops your zombie attitude, then more power to him."

"Don't you start with that, too," Kurt said, "I'm busy enough evading Rachel and all those pamphlets she keeps lying around, I don't need you to join in."

"Like I don't have better things to do," Santana said. But then, she looked serious. "Look, I know she can be overbearing, and I get that you want us to get off your case about this. But just let me say this one thing and then I'll leave you alone with it forever – or until I run out of things to make fun of."

Kurt sighed, but there wasn't muc force behind it. "Say it, then."

"We were really worried about you, for a while. And depression sounded like a plausible explanation. To be honest, that was my idea. Some time last year Britt asked me about depression, she was worried about..." Santana frowned, but then she shook her head. "I don't know, some friend of hers, it's not important. The point is, you were acting like that. Now, Berry obviously had to approach this the least sensitive way possible – and come on, coming from me we both know that says something – but she really just wanted to make sure you're okay. Just... we worry about you. I thought that's something you ought to know."

Kurt tried not to show how touched he was. In a corner of his mind he wondered why he hadn't been this touched when Rachel had brought it up. He tried to tell himself that was because Rachel had been extremely blunt, but somehow he knew that wasn't it. It was more like his whole attitude had improved.

"Thank you," Kurt said to Santana.

"Yeah, whatever. Now enough with the lady chat, there are customers." She stood up and by the time she was on her feet, there was no trace to see about the moment they'd just shared. For a second Kurt wondered if she'd just made up the customers to end the conversation, but when he looked up he found several tables occupied.

Suppressing a sigh, Kurt put on his waiter smile and went to the front to do his job. He went past the small stage they'd erected, now empty except for the piano, and slightly regretted that they hadn't used their moment for another impromptu performance. Maybe he could manage one if Blaine ever came to visit.

And then, as he turned away, out of the corner of his eye, Kurt saw him. Blaine was here.

Kurt tore his head around quickly and stared at the stage that a moment ago had been completely empty. But yes, there was Blaine. He was sitting at the piano and looked around as if he was unsure of something, before he finally turned to the keys and started playing.

From somewhere in the diner, an accompaniment by harmonica started, but Kurt couldn't tear his eyes away from Blaine. After only a few seconds Kurt recognized the song, and then Blaine started to sing.

Kurt felt his breath hitch as he just stood there and looked at the boy. His voice was rich, deep and so full of emotion. It was obvious now how Blaine had been accepted into NYADA. The performance was breathtaking. But maybe the most surprising thing was how deeply it made Kurt feel. There was an overwhelming feeling of pride running through him as he watched that boy shine, and he was so glad to have him in his life, forever. His eyes reflexively went to his left hand and was surprised to see it empty.

"Okay, I don't care if your boy is the eighth world wonder, but if you don't stop daydreaming and start doing your job, I will kick your ass!"

Kurt flinched and looked around as he heard Santana's sharp voice. He wanted to reprimand her for interrupting Blaine, but then he realized that the music was gone. When he looked back at the stage, it was empty again.

Santana snorted and rolled her eyes. "God save me from idiots in love," she muttered as she walked away to her own customers. "If he's so great, stop pining and just go ask him out!"

Kurt stared at the stage for a few seconds more, but the picture didn't change. His good mood had completely drained. A shudder went through him as he slowly went back to work as well. He had to go through the day. He could go insane later.


	5. Chapter 4- Cause There's Nothing To Tell

**Chapter 4 - Cause There's Nothing To Tell**

There was a rustle behind him, but Blaine couldn't be bothered. He was standing on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket, looking down on the street with its crazy morning activity. He would have to leave for school soon, but for now, he wanted a few more moments of quiet before he threw himself into the insane city life. This moment, however, was disturbed, when Sebastian stepped out onto the balcony.

"Have you seen my green tie?" he asked.

Blaine looked up at him for a moment before he turned back to the street. As he had expected, Sebastian was dressed up in an almost black blazer, his white shirt pressed and spotless as he always got them from the dry-cleaner. Blaine would have thought after two years at Dalton, Sebastian would finally want to wear more casual clothes, but instead he had gone into the other direction. According to Sebastian, even the pre-law students at his school took pride in looking as if they already were highly paid lawyers, but Blaine suspected Sebastian's friends were just especially pretentious.

"I thought Tuesday was the yellow tie," Blaine said.

"It's Thursday," Sebastian said, and Blaine could hear the exasperation in his voice. "Tuesday was two days ago."

"I know how week days work, Sebastian."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. God, you're useless in the morning. Just get your coffee already."

"I'll have some at school," Blaine said. He couldn't keep a tone of annoyance out of his voice, but Sebastian didn't seem to notice.

Actually, Kurt would get him coffee. During the last week, it had become some kind of tradition. They would meet up before school and have coffee together, and just chat about their days and what horrors they should expect from classes today. It was something Blaine was looking forward to, but he wasn't going to share that with Sebastian.

Blaine hadn't mentioned Kurt to Sebastian yet, although they were meeting every day, and occasionally saw each other over lunch or for an afternoon coffee. It wasn't that important, really. Blaine was allowed to have friends. Sebastian had friends at Columbia, and Blaine hadn't even met all of them – not that he really cared much about the ones he had met. So what if he kept a friend secret from Sebastian? It wasn't even on purpose, it just... hadn't come up. And really, it was just coffee. There was no harm in coffee.

"Are you listening? I'm still talking to you!"

Blaine sighed. "Look, Sebastian, I haven't seen your tie. If your color scheme is that important, maybe you should get back-up ties for each color. Or maybe you should just wear a different one. You have enough hanging in the closet."

"What's wrong with you today?" Sebastian asked as he stepped closer. Blaine looked up again to see him frown.

"I'm fine," Blaine said. At least he would be fine once he had some coffee in his system.

"Fine then, be like that," Sebastian muttered and walked back inside.

Blaine sighed and with one last look at the city, he too came inside and pulled the door closed after him. Sebastian just came out of the bedroom, tying a petrol-colored tie around his neck.

"I have to go, I'm late already," he said. "I'll see you tonight." With these words, he leant forward to kiss Blaine's cheek. It was his usual gesture of goodbye, and, as usual, Blaine had to suppress a shudder.

"See you then," he just said and turned away to get his bag from their bedroom. For a moment, there was silence behind him, then he heard the door close. Blaine wasn't completely sure why, but he felt like a failure again. In some way, he was always disappointing his boyfriend. He just had no idea what he was doing wrong. Maybe there was just something wrong with him.

Right now, he didn't have time to think about this. He had to go to school.

Of course, the thoughts didn't just leave him alone on the way there. This was not how Blaine imagined a relationship to be. Yes, they lived together, and Blaine knew that he loved Sebastian. It still felt as if they were living completely separate lives. Any attempt to bridge that distance came from Sebastian, like that kiss on the cheek in the morning, any embrace, any kiss, really... And although Blaine would rather bite off his tongue than say it out loud, he sometimes wished Sebastian wouldn't bother.

It wasn't about Sebastian. Really, how could it be? It was about Blaine and all his baggage, about that feeling he sometimes got, as if there was something crawling under his skin. It was the strongest after his nightmares, but even during daylight it never completely left.

Well... almost never.

The closer he got to school, the less he could feel it, actually. His step increased in speed involuntarily as he passed through the doors, and without thinking of it, he walked through the corridor and up the stairs towards the notice board. As it came in sight, he saw a by now familiar figure waiting there, two cups of coffee to go in his hands. Blaine couldn't have stopped the smile from blossoming on his face.

"Hey!"

Kurt turned around at the greeting, and he too smiled, his eyes lighting up. "Hey yourself," he said before offering one of the cups to Blaine, who took it gratefully. He sipped at it quickly and closed his eyes to fully enjoy the taste. It was warm and delicious, and as he had predicted he felt better – although he had a suspicion that was less about the coffee and more about Kurt starting to talk about the bizarre day he'd had at Vogue yesterday.

Blaine froze at that thought. This was new... this was bad. There was nothing wrong with meeting a friend for coffee. If these meetings regularly were the highlight of his day, though, and if he kept them a secret from his boyfriend... that could become a problem. But it was just coffee, as he tried to remind himself, and there was no harm in coffee. There couldn't be.

"Are you listening?"

Blaine looked up to find Kurt watching him. There was no accusation in his voice, just a bit of concern. It, too, felt warm.

"Sorry, just... distracted for a moment. What were you saying?"

"Are you alright?" Kurt asked.

"I'm fine, really," Blaine said, "so what was with that PA?"

There was still a skeptical look on Kurt's face, but he continued and soon Blaine found himself immersed in the insane world of Vogue, too entertained to keep thinking about Sebastian.

Two weeks into that friendship, Blaine had learned to relax. He still hadn't brought up Kurt to Sebastian, or mentioned his boyfriend to Kurt, really, but at least while he and Kurt were together he had stopped worrying about it.

It was easy not to worry around Kurt. There was just something about him that made Blaine feel at ease. With his nightmares, his still not resolved trouble with Carmen Tibideaux about his lacking performances, and the ever growing rough spot in his relationship, Blaine felt like he never stopped brooding about one thing or another. He knew it was problematic to hide his friendship with Kurt from Sebastian, but right now he just desperately needed an escape from all of it. Meeting Kurt had turned out to be like a much needed oasis in a world that seemed hellbent on driving him insane. It might be selfish, but there was no way he was letting this go.

Today, they were meeting again after school. Blaine's last class had been canceled, so he could have left an hour ago already, but instead of going home, he had opted to stay at NYADA for a while and wait an additional hour until Kurt got out of his Theory of Drama class. He could use some time to practice his piano skills, and lately that had become much easier at school than at home. Maybe it was something about NYADA's atmosphere, but most likely it was more about having a quiet space to really focus on playing. But rehearsing aside, mostly he'd rather spend an hour playing piano for the chance of meeting Kurt than sit around in a cold and empty apartment.

However, as Kurt approached him now, there was an apologetic look on his face.

"Hey," Blaine said as a greeting, "are you okay?"

"Yes, fine," Kurt said, "but I got a text from Rachel, I need to cover her shift at the diner."

"Oh," Blaine said and tried to hide his disappointment – at least this was an acting exercise he had perfected. "Well, it's your job, you kind of have to do it. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Kurt blinked. "What? No, I don't have to go right away. I just don't have much time, I think I'll have to leave in half an hour. We can still get coffee."

"Oh," Blaine said, this time trying to hide his relief. "That's... sure, we can do that."

"So, how was Madame Tibideaux today?" Kurt asked as they left for their usual coffee shop. "Is she still that tough on you?"

Blaine looked down. "She was busy with other students today," he said. "I think she's giving me a break, to be honest. Maybe she thinks I need some time to get in touch with my inner muse or something..."

"Is it working?" Kurt asked.

"I'm not sure," Blaine said and shrugged, "but it's gotten a little better, so maybe she's onto something."

"Give it time," Kurt said. "You stress too much, I'm sure if you just let it go for a while, you'll be amazing."

Blaine stopped and looked at him in surprise. "You really think so?" he asked.

"I know so," Kurt said. He sounded absolutely sure, as if he was talking about an indisputable fact, like gravity. "In fact," he continued and started walking again, "maybe you should come visit me at the diner some time. We have a piano."

Blaine stared at him and couldn't keep an incredulous laughter to himself. "At the diner?" he asked.

Kurt nodded, a satisfied smile on his face. "On a stage," he added.

"How exactly is this going to help me relax?" Blaine asked with a frown on his face.

"It's the singing-waiters-diner, Blaine, it's not serious," Kurt said. "All fun and games, and I think that might be just what you need. Or we could go to Callbacks, they have open stage nights. You could play something there?"

"Callbacks?" Blaine said.

"What's wrong with Callbacks?"

"Er, it's full of NYADA students judging the crap out of everybody, that's what's wrong with Callbacks," Blaine said. "I'd rather take the diner, thank you."

"Deal," Kurt said. The grin on his face was probably supposed to be subtle, but Blaine had the sneaking feeling that he had just done exactly what Kurt had wanted him to.

Somehow, it didn't bother him much.

"You really should come visit sometime," Kurt said. He looked at him hopefully now, so sincerely that it made Blaine's pulse quicken. That happened sometimes, and maybe that feeling was the reason he wanted to keep Kurt for himself.

"Okay," Blaine said, and if he sounded even the slightest bit breathless, then Kurt didn't comment. It was a good moment. It had been a good day.

Of course, it all had to go to hell sooner or later.

"What is this?"

Only long experience at living in a house with his father helped Blaine to keep the feeling of getting caught out of his face. By the time he had turned around, he was reasonably confident that his face showed calm neutrality. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kurt frown and turn around, as well.

"Sebastian," Blaine said, as he looked at his approaching boyfriend. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing?" Sebastian repeated. He had reached them now and looked between them incredulously. "What are _you _doing?"

"What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything," Blaine said with a frown.

"No, I mean what are you doing here with _him?_" He spat out the last word and gave Kurt a look that was close to disgust.

"Excuse me?" Kurt said. Blaine could almost literally see his walls go up, and the tone of his voice adopted a scathing quality. "Who are you even?"

"That's... um, that's Sebastian," Blaine said, although he couldn't look into Kurt's eye as he spoke, "my boyfriend. Sebastian, this is Kurt, he's a student at NYADA and my friend. So can you calm down now and tell me why you're here?"

"Oh, I am calm. And I'm here because I thought it would be nice to pick up my boyfriend." He stressed the last two words and kept glaring at Kurt, while he let an arm wander around Blaine's shoulder in an almost painful grip.

Blaine allowed himself a quick look to Kurt and could just catch a look of disbelief, before his face was schooled in a neutral expression.

"Nice to meet you," Kurt said, but his voice sounded anything but sincere.

"Likewise," Sebastian gritted out.

Blaine felt himself tense up as he looked between the two of them. He himself felt more than uncomfortable, true, but that didn't explain to him why there was such a tension between them. Sebastian in particular looked at Kurt with an expression close to loathing, but Kurt too seemed to exude hostility.

"Blaine, we're leaving," Sebastian said, still not taking his eyes off Kurt. "We're having a dinner reservation we don't want to be late for."

"We do?" Blaine asked surprised, which only earned him a glare from Sebastian.

"I was on my way to work, anyway," Kurt said. He too kept glaring at Sebastian.

Blaine turned to him. He had the sudden urge to apologize to Kurt, although he wasn't quite sure what for. Maybe for how rude Sebastian was being, or for how uncomfortable the other boy seemed.

"Well, go ahead then," Sebastian snarled.

"Kurt, wait," Blaine said. "You don't have to-"

"I do," Kurt said quickly. He looked at Blaine with an unreadable expression. "Have fun at dinner."

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Blaine said, although he couldn't help making it sound like a question.

Something softened in Kurt's face at that. "Yes, of course," he said. "I'll see you then."

Blaine felt at least a small amount of relief as he watched Kurt leave through NYADA's entrance gates with his head held high, but it only lasted until Sebastian stepped closer and put his arm on Blaine's shoulder again, holding him tightly until Kurt had left the building. Then, he stepped away and glared at Blaine.

"We're going home," he said and started walking without even checking if Blaine was following. For a moment, Blaine considered just staying, but eventually, he walked after his boyfriend.

"What was that?" he asked as he had caught up to Sebastian. "Do you have any idea how rude you were to him? What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong?" Sebastian repeated and turned to look at Blaine. For a second, there was so much fury in his eyes that Blaine involuntarily took a step back. Sebastian seemed to notice, as he immediately got his expression back under control. "I'm not discussing this here. We're going home, Blaine," he gritted out.

He turned around and kept walking, although he slowed down his pace. Blaine frowned at the way Sebastian was talking to him, but once again, he followed.

The subway ride to their apartment had been completely silent. Blaine had spent most of the time repeating the scene that had just transpired in his mind, trying to find just what had made Sebastian overreact like that. It was jealousy, Blaine was quite sure of it by now. He just couldn't understand where it was coming from. Kurt and he hadn't even stood especially close. Sebastian couldn't react like that just because Blaine was talking to somebody, could he?

When he closed the apartment door behind them, Blaine expected that Sebastian would immediately show his anger again. But instead, his boyfriend just hung up his coat, loosened his tie and walked into the living room. Blaine frowned as he took off his own coat. A moment later, he sound of television came from the living room.

Blaine went to see what Sebastian was doing, only to find that he had switched on some stock market program or other and was now going to the kitchen. Blaine could hear the sounds of the coffee machine starting. Eventually, Sebastian returned with two cups of coffee and put one of them in Blaine's hands.

"What are you doing?" Blaine asked.

"I'm being normal," Sebastian said.

"We were going to talk, Sebastian," Blaine said. "Why were you so rude to Kurt?"

"Why were you talking to him in the first place?" Sebastian replied. The fury was still there, but it was suppressed now, as if he was trying to hide it from Blaine. It wasn't very successful, but that was fine, because Blaine felt himself getting angry, too.

"I'm talking to him because he's my friend. It's a simple concept."

"Well, you can end that friendship right now," Sebastian said.

"Excuse me?" Blaine stared at him incredulously. "Now I'm not allowed to have friends?"

"You can have all the friends you want," Sebastian replied, "but not Kurt Hummel!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Blaine asked, "you don't even know him! You only saw him for a minute!"

"I don't need to see any more of him, and I don't want to. And neither should you. This guy is just trouble! I don't want you to meet him again." Sebastian's voice sounded final, as if this was something he could just decide on.

Blaine would not take that.

"Well, _I_ want to meet him again, so guess what, Sebastian? I'm going to."

It was the first time he had raised his voice at Sebastian since... he couldn't even remember. It caught Sebastian about as much as surprise as it did Blaine himself.

For a moment, Sebastian just stared at him. "What is going on with you lately?" he asked. He sounded surprised now, incredulous even.

"Nothing's going on with me," Blaine replied, still forceful. "I'm making friends at school, the strange thing is that it took me so long, and if you think I let you decide who I can or can't be friends with, then we are going to have a problem."

"I'm not trying to decide who you can be friends with," Sebastian protested, "I just don't want you around _him._ Did you see how he looks at you? Trust me, he's not interested in being your friend."

"You don't know him," Blaine said. "You can't judge anybody by just looking at them once, Sebastian!"

"So what, you just expect me to sit back and watch somebody trying to steal my boyfriend?", Sebastian asked.

"What?" Blaine almost laughed out loud, when he heard that. It was just too absurd. "You're being completely ridiculous!"

"Am I?" Sebastian asked.

"Yes, you are," Blaine insisted. "Can we start with this ridiculous concept of somebody 'stealing me'? It's my decision. And I'm not going to leave you. You can't freak out over me just talking to someone."

"Not someone, _him_," Sebastian said and again, spat out that last word.

Blaine rolled his eyes in exasperation. "And I'm telling you, you have nothing to worry about."

"Right," Sebastian snorted.

Blaine stopped. "How can you actually think that?" he asked. He was still angry, but beneath that it hurt. "You know I love you," he said.

Sebastian just looked at him with an unreadable expression. "Do I?"

Blaine stared at him. "Seriously?" he asked. He hated how uncertain his voice sounded at this. "Well, if that's how much you trust me..." He turned around and walked back out of the living room.

"Blaine, wait," Sebastian said as he followed.

"No, I think I need some air," Blaine said. "But here's some food for thought. I'm sorry if I upset you somehow. I probably should have told you about him. But Kurt is not trying anything, and I'm not going to cheat on you, and if you can't trust that, then that's a completely different problem we're having."

"Can't you just not see him again?" Sebastian asked.

"Can't you just trust me?" Blaine replied. He sighed and shook his head as he saw the hesitation in Sebastian's eyes. "You don't get to decide who I'm friends with. If you're jealous, you have to deal with that yourself."

Without another word, Blaine grabbed his coat and walked out of the door.

Kurt had spent most of the afternoon moping. He should have expected something like this, really. He had finally developed a crush on somebody that was indeed gay – so of course there had to be a boyfriend. Why hadn't he seen that one coming?

Well, in a way, maybe he had seen it coming.

Maybe he was just jumping to conclusions, but now that he thought of it, he could swear he had seen Sebastian in one of his dreams about Blaine – still a pretty regular occurrence. He thought he remembered storming through the corridors of a private school, with Blaine by his side and accompanied by Artie and Santana. There had been a choir of boys in a school uniform singing a Jackson songs at them, with their lead singer never taking his eyes off Blaine – their lead singer with his weaselly face and frat boy hair who Kurt could have sworn looked exactly like Sebastian.

Really, if Blaine absolutely needed to have a boyfriend – and considering Kurt's luck, there was probably some kind of cosmic law that actually demanded just that – why did it have to be someone like Sebastian? That guy was _dripping_ with arrogance, the way he had talked to Blaine was frankly appalling, and could he _be_ any ruder?

So, with how the day had turned out, Kurt didn't expect a quiet night. In his mind, he kept running through the past two weeks and tried to find just where he had misread things. Had Blaine at some point mentioned a boyfriend, or tried to stop Kurt from making any moves?

He couldn't think of anything, and really, he had tried so hard to be more subtle than he had been with previous crushes.

Or maybe that was the problem. Maybe Blaine genuinely hadn't noticed. That would be embarrassing on a completely different level, but at least Kurt would be the only one who knew.

When he arrived at this point in his thoughts, he started to calm down. So maybe he had read more into a friendship than there was – it wouldn't be the first time – but at least he hadn't made too much of a fool out of himself, and he did get what had the potential of being a really great friendship out of it.

Unless Sebastian interfered.

So, in the end, Kurt wasn't very surprised at having another way too realistic dream of Blaine – this time with a cameo from Sebastian. Upon waking he vaguely remembered a conversation about going to a gay bar, but that was not what really stayed in his mind. What stayed with him was that in the dream, Blaine had called Kurt his boyfriend, Kurt had taken an almost possessive hold of Blaine's arm, and all Sebastian could do was grit his teeth and accept it.

_Things were wrong, everything about this situation was wrong. They shouldn't be here. This wasn't a good idea. And it was all his fault._

_And then, again, the flash of red, a rush of panic all around him, and then just... pain._

_Pain... and a voice calling out for him._

_Against the pain, Blaine tried to open his eyes. There was just a flash of a face, not enough for recognition, and then the pain got too much. _

Once more Blaine woke up screaming, scratching at his skin, trying to get it out, whatever it was running through his veins and hiding under his skin, he needed it to get out of him, to get away, to...

Eventually, his screams faded, and he just felt exhausted. He could feel tears on his face, and cold sweat on his skin. But there was no iron hold on him, no arms gripping him, and the feeling of wrong subsided so much faster than he had gotten used to.

His breathing was strained, but slowly evening out.

Only then did he notice that Sebastian wasn't there. They hadn't really made up when Blaine had come home earlier that evening, but still gone to bed together.

Sebastian always tried to calm him down when the nightmares hit. Now, Blaine was sitting here alone in the dark. Slowly, he switched on the nightstand lamp, and turned to the other side of the bed. It was empty, and the blanket was gone. Apparently, instead of trying to calm him down this time, Sebastian had gone to sleep on the couch.

He tried to muster up a feeling of disappointment, but it felt more like relief. It wasn't as if Sebastian's presence had ever helped with the nightmares.

Still shaking, he let himself sink into the sheets again. He left the light on as he closed his eyes, trying to calm his breath enough to fall asleep again.

After what felt like hours, he felt his consciousness slipping away. And right there, at the verge of falling asleep, he suddenly realized whose face he had seen just before waking up.

It was Kurt.


	6. Chapter 5 - Something To Sing About

_Notes: So, this chapter took a bit longer, which is mostly due to a performance scene, which I'm actually not that comfortable writing. One day I'll figure out why I don't just not put them into the story, but this day isn't today.  
The song in this chapter is "Coffee & TV" by Blur, which I adore, and obviously I hold no rights to the lyrics.  
Anyway, hope you enjoy.  
_

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Something To Sing About**

Kurt felt slightly self-conscious as he was entering their usual coffee shop. It was a bit early to be here, but he still felt upset over the events of yesterday, meeting Sebastian, and once more those weird dreams he had. He couldn't actually wait to see Blaine, but he was nervous about what to expect.

Then again, no matter how awkward things had gotten yesterday, Blaine had wanted to meet him. Kurt hadn't missed how his voice had almost sounded pleading, nor how angry Sebastian had been with it.

With new confidence, he opened the door to the coffee shop. To his surprise, he saw Blaine already at the counter, receiving two styrofoam mugs of coffee. Apparently Kurt hadn't been the only one who wanted to meet early.

Smiling, he made his way up to Blaine, who had started preparing their respective drinks, and came to a stop beside his friend.

"You're early," he said as a greeting.

Blaine must have been deep in thought, because he almost flinched as he was spoken to. There were dark bags under his eyes, he was pale and he looked as if he hadn't slept at all. It wasn't the first time Kurt had seen him exhausted, but today it somehow seemed worse. When he saw Kurt, though, a smile appeared on his face.

"Kurt! I'm so glad to see you," he said.

"Me too," Kurt said. "But are you alright? You look like you really need that coffee right now."

Blaine chuckled, but there was something dejected in his eyes. "I really do," he said, "I thought I'd buy today. I'm really sorry about yesterday."

"Well, it was a bit strange," Kurt said with a shrug, "he's a bit of an acquired taste, isn't he?"

"I really don't know why he was acting like that," Blaine said. "But he shouldn't have been so rude to you, I am so sorry."

"You don't have to apologize for your boyfriend," Kurt said.

"But he-"

"His behavior is not under your control," Kurt continued. "Come on, let's sit down."

The smile on Blaine's face was almost grateful as they went over to one of the tables and sat down. Kurt took a careful sip of his moccha while he tried to order his thoughts. To his mild surprise the drink tasted exactly the way he liked it.

"Good?" Blaine, who had watched him, asked.

"Perfect," Kurt said with a small smile, before he got serious. They were here to discuss something, after all. "So, your boyfriend... who I'm not sure I remember you ever mentioning..."

There was the beginning of a blush on Blaine's face, and clear signs of a guilty conscience. "Well, I guess it never came up," he said. He didn't look away completely, but he didn't exactly meet Kurt's eyes, either. "But yeah, we've been together for almost two years."

Kurt let out a whistle. "That's not bad. Did you meet at Dalton?"

Blaine nodded. "He transferred there in my junior year," he explained, "we were both in the Warblers, and it kind of... happened from there." There was a frown on his face and a far-away look, though it didn't seem to Kurt as if it was dreamy reminiscence. There was something... skeptical about Blaine's look, as if he was trying to figure something out.

"So, two years, that's a lot," Kurt said in an attempt to get him out of his thoughts, "is everything okay with you, or what was that yesterday?"

Now, Blaine clearly did avert his eyes. "It's been... a bit rough, lately," he admitted. "We're not even fighting or anything, it's just... weird. So maybe that's why he reacted like that..."

"Maybe?"

Blaine sighed. "It's a bit ridiculous," he said, fidgeting with his cup.

"What is?" Kurt asked. When Blaine still wouldn't answer, Kurt put a hand on his wrist to still his hand. "You can tell me," he said softly.

There was some hesitation, but eventually, Blaine sighed and looked up to meet his eye. "He's jealous of you," he said.

Kurt's eybrows arched up. That was... interesting. So, apparently, he wasn't the only one who thought there was a vibe between them. The only question was, if Blaine had noticed that as well.

"He got really angry, he has this idea that you're going to _steal_ me or something..." Everything from Blaine's voice to the way he rolled his eyes conveyed how ridiculous he thought that idea was. Kurt just wasn't sure what was so ridiculous – the idea of anybody "stealing" him, or the thought that Blaine could ever go for Kurt.

"I don't think it's necessarily about you," Blaine continued, "it's just been... really weird lately. I guess it's the stress of the new city, and then there's my..." He stopped for a second, long enough for Kurt to notice. "There's just stuff," Blaine said eventually with a sigh that sounded completely exhausted.

Kurt wasn't sure what to say to this. If he was honest with himself, he did feel led on. Blaine had never mentioned his boyfriend, had apparently never mentioned Kurt to Sebastian, either, and Kurt got the feeling that Blaine had used their meetings to get his mind off his relationship troubles. On the other hand, despite what felt for Kurt like a connection, he couldn't remember an instance where Blaine had led him on consciously. It didn't help that the other boy looked so completely lost right now.

"Look, Blaine, I really don't want to cause any trouble in your relationship," Kurt said eventually.

Blaine's eyes widened as he looked at him. "What? No! You're not... no! We're... we're friends, right? Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I can't have friends."

"I'm not sure your boyfriend agrees," Kurt said.

"That's not his decision," Blaine replied with determination. "He has friends, too – and honestly, I can't stand most of them – so I don't see why he can tell me who I spend my time with."

"Are you sure it's just that?" Kurt asked. "I mean, you can't tell me he reacts like this with all your friends."

Although now that he thought of it, he couldn't exactly remember Blaine bringing up his other friends a lot. And usually, if he did, it was in the context of stories from his time at Dalton, but nothing going on right now...

"I'm not that good at making friends," Blaine said, as if to confirm Kurt's thoughts, "so they're mostly people from Dalton who've known us as a couple for two years. I just... haven't made any new friends since I got here, except you."

"Really?" Kurt asked. "You're not exactly the shy type..."

"It's... I don't know, it's just not happening," Blaine said. "I don't really connect to the people I'm having classes with, and apart from NYADA I'm not doing much."

"Maybe that's part of your problem," Kurt said. "Well, not the one we're talking about at the moment. So. your boyfriend. What's his problem? He's not used to you meeting other people in New York, so it sends him into a fit immediately when he catches you talking to someone?"

There was something Blaine wasn't telling him. It was obvious in the way his eyebrows formed the tiniest frown, and in the way he would not completely meet Kurt's eye.

"The point is that he is overreacting, and he has no right to tell me who I can be friends with," he repeated instead. "And I could really use a friend right now."

Was there anything Kurt could do against that earnest look? "Well, you got me," he said. "If you're sure it won't cause any problems...?"

"It won't," Blaine said.

"Okay," Kurt said, "then we'll do this." So maybe he had made it up in his head – or at least exaggerated it a bit – but at least the two of them were okay. He still had a bad feeling about Sebastian, he still thought they had a slightly deeper connection than Blaine was willing to admit to, but that all would have to wait. For now, they'd try this as a friendship,and at least he would get that chance.

"We should go," Blaine said, interrupting his thoughts, "at least if we want to be in time for class."

Kurt managed a genuine smile. "Let's go, then."

* * *

The Spotlight Diner wasn't hard to find. The really hard part, as Blaine found out, was to actually enter it.

He still wasn't sure if it was a good idea to be here. Almost a week had passed since the day Kurt and Sebastian had met. The result had been an obvious cool-down in the two closest relationships he currently had. At least his friendship with Kurt was still close, although not as close as before. Maybe Kurt had thought they had been flirting, btu Blaine was too afraid to ask. He'd rather not know the answer than make things awkward between them.

Things with Sebastian, on the other hand, were beyond awkward. Blaine had made it clear again that he would not apologize for who he was friends with, and Sebastian had insisted that Kurt as a friend was not acceptable, without ever clarifying just what his problem with him was. Those two points didn't exactly offer a compromise. Eventually, they had agreed to disagree, but since then they had hardly had a conversation. Sebastian suddenly had lots of work and study groups to attend, while Blaine spent way more time at NYADA or practicing in their empty apartment. Sometimes, he caught Sebastian looking at him with a longing expression, but he never said anything, and Blaine wasn't ready to take the first step, not when Sebastian was so clearly in the wrong.

Today, Sebastian had a meeting with his study group again. Blaine still had the suspicion that they just got together to discuss how awesome they were, while drinking wine imported from france. Those study sessions usually lasted long into the night, and Sebastian always came home late, with the smell of alcohol on his breath.

Blaine had considered going home after his last class had ended. He could be using the empty apartment to get some more time to practice at the piano. It was probably what he should be doing. It was most certainly what Carmen Tibideaux would suggest he should do. But he was quite sure that this was not what he needed, right now.

So eventually, he had made his way to the Spotlight Diner. Kurt had said he was working there this afternoon, and what Blaine really needed right now was some company.

But the diner looked busy at the moment. Sure, Kurt had invited him to come over some time, but that had been before meting Sebastian. Also, Blaine didn't want to disturb him when he was busy working. This was probably a bad idea, he should come back some other time. He should go home, practice the same pieces he had practiced a hundred times, and hope he'd get better at them, to just get back some of the feeling of it...

And who was he kidding? It hadn't worked before, it wouldn't work today. He knew what he needed right now.

So, after taking a deep breath, Blaine finally crossed the street and entered the diner.

He had hardly taken a few steps in, when Kurt was standing in front of him, an amused glitter in his eyes.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to actually get in here," he said as a greeting, "come on, there's a table waiting just for you."

Blaine couldn't even get in a greeting as he was dragged along to a table close to the bar.

"I'm a little busy right now, so you'll have to give me a few minutes," Kurt said, "but if you just tell me what you'd like to drink, I'll get you something in a moment, on the house." There was a wink at the last part, and Blaine felt a surge of warmth.

"Any recommendations?" he asked.

"The smoothies are to die for," Kurt said. "Mango, especially. But I wouldn't eat anything – not that you heard that from me, though."

Blaine couldn't have helped the smile appearing on his face if he had tried. "I'll take one of those, then," he said.

"In a minute," Kurt said and got back to work with a last smile at him.

With a deep exhale, Blaine leant back in his chair and watched his friend walk around the diner. There was an elegance in his step that Blaine could only admire, almost reminiscent of dancing. Well, they were the singing waiters, there should be at least some dancing involved. After only a moment, Kurt put the promised smoothie in front of him, before he hurried away again. Carefully, Blaine took a sip. Kurt hadn't promised too much.

In any case, just watching Kurt work, helped calm down Blaine's nerves that had been strained ever since this morning's lesson with Carmen Tibideaux. For a moment, he could stop worrying about school, or his relationship, or anything, really.

Blaine couldn't have said how long it took until things quieted down enough, but eventually, Kurt slid into the seat opposite him, putting two smoothies in front of them, one for himself and one to replace Blaine's empty glass.

"So, you finally found your way here," Kurt said.

"I did," Blaine said, "it's impressive here. You really seem to like this job."

"It's fine," Kurt said with a shrug, "I mean, it's not Vogue, but you can't have excellence 24/7, can you?"

"I guess if somebody could find a way, it's you," Blaine said with a slight shrug.

"Well, you know what they say about flattery," Kurt said. "Though if you think this place is so great, I could ask if they have another opening."

"Oh," Blaine said, "I'm not actually looking for a job," he said.

"You should, though," Kurt said. "It might be good for you to have something to do other than school, even if you don't need the money."

Blaine shook his head, but stopped when he realized that it was something he hadn't exactly thought about before. "NYADA is rough," he said hesitatingly.

Kurt snorted at that. "Rough, yes. But time-intensive? I'm having _two_ jobs beside school, and Rachel got the lead in a Broadway show _and_ her job here. Trust me, it's possible."

"I guess it would be nice to have something else...", Blaine said. And wasn't it a part of growing up, too? Even Cooper got a job during college... if you could call the occasional commercial appearance and being a corpse on a crime show jobs.

"You don't have to find something today," Kurt said, "but you should think about it."

"I will," Blaine said.

"So," Kurt said, "any good stories from NYADA you want to share? I feel like I've been locked up at this place for ages."

"You mean an amusing story?" Blaine asked. "Because I'm not sure I can think of something right now..."

Kurt got serious immediately. "Why? Did something happen?" He frowned for a second, then it seemed to dawn on him. "Wait, didn't you have class with Carmen Tibideaux today?"

Blaine nodded, unable to keep a sardonic smile out of his face. "I did," he said. It was..." he paused for a moment, thinking how he could possibly express it. "...not good," he finished lamely. "Really not good."

There was warmth, as Kurt put hand onto his wrist. Only then did Blaine notice he had been fidgeting.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kurt asked. For a second, Blaine wondered if it was just a phrase, but when he looked up he could see sincerety in Kurt's eyes.

"I... I really do, yeah," he said. After all, that was why he had come here. "But... aren't you busy?"

"It's fine, I'm taking a break," Kurt said. "Tell me."

"She'll expel me." He probably should have thought better about what he was going to say, but that was what came out.

Kurt held his hand tighter. "She can't really do that, can she?" he asked.

"Actually, she can, and she has several times already," Blaine said. "It's actually a miracle that she's been this patient so far."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked.

Blaine sighed. "I told you, she's not happy with the way I'm performing. She's said several times she never would have let me in if I had performed that way during my audition. Apparently, she liked that performance so much that she gave me a break for a while. But now she's running out of patience, and she made it pretty clear today that unless I step up soon, I can go look for another school."

"Wow," Kurt said, "that's... that's horrible."

Blaine sighed and pulled his hands back to hide his face in them. "She's right, Kurt," he said. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to love it all, singing and dancing, and just... living it. But ever since I came to New York, it just doesn't work anymore. I... I don't feel it. It's like there was a spark, and now it's gone. Sometimes I can conjure up something that comes close, but only a handful of times, when I'm at home and nobody's listening – so you can imagine how well that translates into a class setting..."

Kurt's voice sounded soft but sure, when he spoke again. "But you're wonderful."

Blaine looked up in confusion. That warmth that he'd come to associate with Kurt in some moments was blossoming in his chest again, and there was something in his throat. "You never heard me," he protested weakly.

"But I..." Kurt stopped, then he shook his head hardly noticably. "I have an idea," he said, "remember how we talked about you playing at the diner?"

Blaine froze. "What?"

Kurt blinked, uncertainty creeping into his expression. "You did agree," he said. "And this way I'd finally get to hear you. There's nothing that can go wrong, you know that, right? Just play something, sing, and then I'll give you an honest opinion."

Blaine frowned. "I'm not sure," he said, "do you really think this would help?"

The smile returned to Kurt's face, and Blaine stared to think it was almost worth a try just for that – but that was not something he was supposed to be thinking about a friend.

"Alright... but what should I play?" he asked.

"Go for a classic, maybe. How about Piano Man? I bet you can play that."

Blaine frowned. He knew the song, he was reasonbly sure he could play it, and Kurt obviously thought it was a good idea. Still, he was hesitating. Classics were fine, but they also meant a bit of pressure. There was a lot to live up to. He also didn't feel the least bit like the piano man. These days he felt more like a zombie, or braindead or...

Wait. There could be something...

"I think I've got a song," Blaine said. "You wouldn't happen to have a guitar, too?"

Kurt frowned "Well... yes, but... don't you want to play the piano?"

Blaine smiled. "Not for this one," he said. He waited patiently, as Kurt went to the bar to get a guitar from somewhere behind it – Blaine wasn't sure why a diner needed one in the first place, but it was probably best not to question the singing waiters diner. He took the guitar offered by Kurt and followed him up to the stage. While Kurt announced him, Blaine tried not to look like an idiot. He was feeling... nervous, and he was pretty sure that was new.

With a last smile of encouragement, Kurt stepped off the stage. Blaine sat down on a bar stool and tried to compose himself. He was still nervous. Was this stage-fright? Just what was happening to him?

He closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself, before he looked at the people currently sitting in the diner. Some were looking at him, though just as many weren't paying any attention. But Kurt was sitting there, looking at him with excitement and confidence, and somehow, Blaine realized he actually wanted to give this a try. Besides, the important thing was to feel the song, wasn't it? And this actually was how he felt... With another deep breath, he let his hands strum the first chord, just to try it out, and then he started to play, soft notes, that sounded as lost as he felt most of the time... and then, the first strummed chord, falling loudly and attracting the attention of everybody in the diner. Picking up a fast rhythm, Blaine let himself fall into the music, and then he sang.

_Do you feel like a chain store  
Practically floored  
One of many zeroes  
Kicked around bored  
Your ears are full but you're empty  
Holding out your heart  
To people who never really  
Care how you are_

As he started the chorus, his eyes found Kurt's and held his gaze. The longer Blaine kept singing, the easier it was. Now that he was singing – not just going through the motions, but actually feeling it – he couldn't remember how he could have ever lived without it. For a moment, he could forget everything, all his trouble and baggage, and just lose himself in the music.

It felt like flying.

_So give me coffee and tv, easily,  
I've seen so much I'm going blind  
And I'm braindead virtually  
Sociability is hard enough for me  
Take me away from this big bad world  
And agree to marry me  
So we can start over again..._

"Oooh, so we can start over again..."

When the final note had ended, the applause started. He heard cheering and realized it was Kurt's voice. Only then did Blaine remember the audience he had played to. It hadn't even mattered to him that there had been people listening, except maybe Kurt.

The spark had returned. Blaine felt so relieved that he could have started to sob. He had almost forgotten what it felt like. There was a hand on his shoulder and he looked up to see Kurt standing there.

"That was amazing," he said, as he pulled Blaine into an embrace. Blaine found that his knees were weak, so he just let himself sag against the other boy, safe constant that he was.

"That's... I think that's how it used to be," Blaine said. He had to blink away tears. But Kurt seemed to understand, just put an arm around him and led him off the stage and back to the table.

"The next time Carmen Tibideaux wants a performance from you, try to channel this," Kurt said.

"I'll definitely try," Blaine said. "Thank you so much for this, Kurt."

"I didn't do anything," Kurt replied softly. "All you needed was a little push."

Blaine laughed, and it felt liberating. With a last squeeze to Blaine's hand, Kurt went back to work. For a while, Blaine just leant back and watched him. He felt calm, and right, and _alive_, as if this was what he should be doing. Most importantly, he felt like himself again, and to his surprise, it felt amazing.

* * *

"Thank you for your patience, Ms. Wright is free now, I'll connect you. Please hold."

Kurt managed to hold back a sigh as he put the call through to Isabelle. Only a few more hours until he would get out. And getting out meant meeting Blaine, back at their usual coffee shop. They hadn't seen each other this morning, and with the last days being really busy, had only really been able to spend some time together when Blaine had played at the diner the other day.

Things at Vogue had gotten really busy this week. Tomorrow, another eccentric, up-and-coming designer was hosting a fashion show and Isabelle had snatched them invitations at basically the last minute. There was some bad blood between the designer and Vogue, but Isabelle had managed to be charming enough to get through to him. Of course, that meant a lot more stress for them before the event – but actually, Kurt was happy to have something to occupy his thoughts.

Ever since the performance at the diner, Kurt's dreams had intensified. They were still single scenes that stayed in his mind with more or less clarity, but slowly he was starting to see an overlying arch, as if there was a timeline from which his subconscious was randomly picking scenes. He was starting to get a feeling where a dream stood in relation to former ones. It was almost as if they were memories from another life.

But that was nothing he could tell Blaine, or anybody else, really. Anyone would think he was losing his mind.

"Oh, Kurt, do you have a moment?"

He looked up as he heard Isabelle's voice, and a moment later, a stack of folders landed on his desk.

"Could you look through these, please? I'm sure I've seen the March pattern somewhere in here, but I just can't find where," she said.

"Not a problem," Kurt said.

"What would I do without you?" Isabelle asked. "So, are you excited about tomorrow? Any special someone you need to invite?"

"What... why would you think that?" Kurt asked and tried not to blush.

"You've been happy lately," Isabelle said. "I was just hoping, is all."

Before he could say anything else, his phone buzzed.

"Speak of the devil?" Isabelle asked. "You didn't deny it yet, by the way."

"I know," Kurt said, and since he apparently had his boss's blessing, he took a glance at his phone. It was a text, and of course it was from Blaine.

"Who is he?" Isabelle asked.

"It's not like that," Kurt said quickly as he opened the text. "Blaine is jus a friend, nothing's going on there. He has a boyfriend." He tried, but he was aware that he still sounded slightly bitter about that. His frown deepened as he read the text. Blaine was canceling on him, apparently something had come up with Sebastian that couldn't possibly be postponed, and he'd be busy the whole weekend.

Wonderful.

But when he looked up, Isabelle was staring at him with a shocked expression. "What was his name?" she asked.

"Blaine," Kurt said, surprised at her reaction, "Blaine Anderson. He's a student at NYADA."

"Huh," Isabelle said and blinked a few times. "Well, I'm sure he's wonderful."

"Wonderful, and just a friend," Kurt said, in case she had missed it the first time. "Also, too busy with his boyfriend."

"He has a boyfriend?" Isabelle asked. "Who?"

"Some guy he met in high school," Kurt answered, "it doesn't matter, really."

Isabelle still had a preoccupied look on his face, but she nodded. "You're right," she said, "it doesn't matter. Um, you'll be okay with these?"

"Yes, of course," Kurt said.

"Right, I have... things. To do. You'll be ready for the lunch meeting?" Isabelle asked.

"I'll be," Kurt said.

"So, I'll see you then," Isabelle said and already she was flitting away.

Kurt shook his head looking after her. That was strange, even for Isabelle... But well, now that he had nothing better to do for the rest of the day, he might as well dive right into work.

* * *

Maybe he was just running late. It happened. Things at Vogue were busy at the moment, of course there always was a possibility that Kurt got held up. It wasn't that big a deal. They were just meeting for coffee, and okay, it might be the first time this week they'd manage to see each other for more than ten minutes, but it was fine. Kurt was just running late.

He probably even sent a text. He couldn't have known that Blaine would forget his phone at home today. Still, they should have met half an hour ago, and Blaine was still sitting alone at a table, two cups of cooling coffee in front of him, and no sign of Kurt.

Maybe Kurt had canceled. Without his phone, Blaine had no way of knowing. But what could he do? He couldn't wait here forever, but he wasn't looking forward to going home, either.

He had just decided that he'd wait maybe for another twenty minutes, when the door to the coffee shop opened. Blaine looked up at the sound, hoping to see Kurt. To his surprise, it was Sebastian who entered the building.

Blaine tried his best to hide his disappointment as his boyfriend looked around for him. Eventually, Sebatian spotted him and came closer, a smile – almost a smirk – appearing on his face.

"Hey there, killer," he said as he sank down in the chair opposite Blaine. "And so thoughtful of you." With that, he took Kurt's coffee and took a sip. He made a face. "Ugh, what's that? Don't they have sugar in this dump?"

"What are you doing here, Sebastian?" Blaine asked. "I thought you had classes all day."

"Not all day, I'm done," Sebastian said. He didn't even seem the least bit put-out about the little enthusiasm Blaien showed. "Oh, and I thought you might want this."

"My phone? Where did you get that?" Blaine asked.

"It was lying around on your nightstand," Sebastian said with a shrug, "and I know how attached you are to that thing. Honestly, I'm surprised you let it out of your sight for five minutes. Other people might get suspicious..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Blaine asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's just a line, Blaine, can you relax for once," Sebastian said as he rolled his eyes.

"You're hilarious," Blaine deadpanned. He quickly checked his phone, but there were no notifications. For a moment he feared Sebastian might have read a text from Kurt – though there was nothing incriminating in them, they were just friends texting – but when he checked he could see no new texts from Kurt, and no calls either.

"And since you weren't at school, I figured you'd be hanging around here," Sebastian continued. "Where's your girlfriend, by the way? Not around?"

"Kurt is not here," Blaine said, "and don't call him that."

"Whatever," Sebastian said, "but if you have nothing planned, why don't you come home with me? I have a surprise for you."

Blaine frowned. "What kind of surprise?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "You're gonna like this one, trust me," he said.

"I do." The words came to his lips involuntarily, because of course he trusted his boyfriend. As they stood up and left the coffee shop, Sebastian took his hand. Blaine wondered if it had always felt so cold.


	7. Chapter 6 - I Don't Want To Play

_Notes: __This chapter, infidelity strikes the first time. The app mentioned is losely based on the Forbid app from season 2 of Girls._

* * *

**Chapter 6 - I Don't Want To Play**

No new messages. No calls, no texts, no mails, no facebook notifications, nothing.

Not that this was a new thing. There weren't many people Blaine kept in contact with, so really, it was more unusual if there _was_ a message on his phone. And usually, he didn't mind, but right now he'd really prefer to hear from Kurt. After he'd gotten his phone back, he'd sent a text, asking where he had been and if everything was okay. When there hadn't been an answer till morning, he tried texting again, and eventually had called him, but the call hadn't been answered. Blaine wasn't sure if he was supposed to be worried or annoyed. It would be easier if he had someone to talk to, but there was only Sebastian, and bringing up Kurt around him was a horrible idea.

Maybe he was being ungrateful. He should be happier with the relationship he had. The thought made him look up from his phone and to the bed, where two new, beautifully tailored tuxedoes were hanging. Tonight, they'd visit a fashion show – because Sebastian was a good boyfriend, who took Blaine to see things he himself wasn't even interested in. Blaine had read articles about the designer – Kurt had given him articles, actually – and some of his work had been mind-blowing. He should be more excited about going. He _was_ excited about going.

And yet, what he focused on was that there were no notifications on his phone. Maybe the real question should be why Sebatian even bothered.

"Well, you look cheery," Sebastian said as he entered the room. "Come on, lunch is ready, and by ready I mean delivered."

"Thanks," Blaine said as he followed into the kitchen. He managed to put his phone in his pocket as he looked at the pasta they'd be having.

"So, what's got you in such a funk today?" Sebastian asked.

"It's nothing," Blaine said dismissively, "I just didn't sleep that well."

"Do you ever?" Sebastian asked, and Blaine thought there was the slightest hint of annoyance in his voice.

"I'm so sorry if my issues are an inconvenience to you," Blaine said, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

"That's not what I meant," Sebastian said with an exasperated sigh. "Don't act like this is easy on me. But at least I'm trying."

"What do you want from me, Sebastian?" Blaine asked. He felt exhausted, even by this small conversation. It wasn't as if he didn't want to get better. But what could he possibly do?

Sebastian looked at him with a pained expression, as if he was desperately holding back the words he really wanted to say. But after a few moments, he seemed to calm down. With a new resolve, he took Blaine's hand.

"A smile would be nice for a start," he said.

Blaine blinked at him in confusion. "What?" he asked. Hadn't they just been at the brink of a fight?

"I know you're hurt," Sebastian said, "and I know you're lonely. I'm probably being unfair to you. All that went down at your old school, now the big move to New York... and I spend so much time with people from school, of course you feel even more alone now. That probably doesn't help you with your issues. But I'm trying, okay? I'm trying to make this work, but I need you to meet me halfway, Blaine. Because let's be honest. Those people I meet at school? None of them matters. All that matters is you and me. So... don't shut me out."

"I'm not," Blaine said on reflex, although he wasn't completely convinced it was true. He didn't want to have this conversation anymore. But something Sebastian said, rang way too true for him. Sebastian had friends, a life in this city. Blaine had been isolated, hadn't managed to befriend anyone, and had struggled in school – well, until he had met Kurt. He had lost contact to his friends at Dalton, his family wasn't talking to him... For so long it had felt as if Sebastian was all he had in this world. But why was that? Was it him? Did he drive everybody away and Sebastian was the only one who could stand staying?

If so, how long would it take for Kurt to leave?

And here he was, back to being ungrateful again.

Sebastian was still watching him, as if he was waiting for him to say something else.

"I'll try, too," Blaine said eventually. "I... I want us to work."

"Good," Sebastian said and squeezed Blaine's hand once before letting go. "Let's make tonight a fresh start, alright?"

Blaine nodded, trying to at least look convinced.

* * *

The show was amazing. Most of the designs had been kept secret before the show, and as the former work, they were breathtaking. Bold mixes of colors that should be clashing but somehow worked together, unusual cuts, but every piece felt fresh and somehow energetic. Blaine wasn't sure if he'd ever dare to wear anything even close to those designs, but some of the male models had worn pieces that were so amazing that he wished he could have them.

He figured if he asked, Sebastian would buy all of them, but it wasn't something he'd ever actually consider. Instead, he looked around at the other guests. He could already see a cloud of reporters swarming the designer, now that the show was over. At the moment, he was talking to a tall, blonde woman in a breath-taking dress, who was closely followed by...

No way.

"Seen anything you like?" Sebastian asked, raising his eyebrows as if he'd made a joke.

"What?" Blaine turned around to his boyfriend immediately.

"The show. Did you see anything you liked?" Sebastian repeated and looked at him as if he was slightly crazy.

"Well, some designs," Blaine said. "Those last few especially, they were brilliant."

"Really? I mean, it's fine for a runway, but what kind of person would actually wear those?" Sebastian asked.

"Not the complete outfit," Blaine argued, "not as everyday clothing, but some combinations... they could really work."

"Right," Sebastian said, slightly rolling his eyes. "Well, I guess different people have different sense in fashion."

"You wear nothing but suits, Sebastian. Most people would say your sense of fasion is atrophied," Blaine said.

"Like you don't miss the uniform," Sebastian said.

"Actually, I don't," Blaine said. "I'm surprised you do."

"Whatever," Sebastian said, with a hint of annoyance in his voice. "But you enjoyed yourself?"

Blaine closed his eyes for a second. He would stay calm. There was no reason to fight with Sebastian. "Yes, thank you," he said, "it was really a good idea to come."

"Yeah, well, my mom got an invitation and she can't exactly skip over from France, so... Lucky us," Sebastian said. "Let's hope the rest of the party is worth it... Wait here? I'll get us drinks," Sebastian said.

"Thanks," Blaine said, hoping he didn't seem too distracted. He waited a moment longer until Sebastian disappeared between the other guests, then he turned around back to where the designer was talking to more reporters. The blonde woman was still talking to him, but her companion was standing a few feet off, busy texting.

He hadn't been wrong. It was Kurt.

Without thinking, Blaine made his way through the room, avoiding the other guests mingling around, and came to a stop right in front of Kurt, who was still completely focussed on his phone. Blaine couldn't help but sneak a glance at the display. Apparently it was something work-related, but the conversation was coming to an end. After a last send, Kurt finally looked up.

His eyes widened, but it didn't seem to be an unwelcome sight. "Blaine? What are you doing here?"

"Watching the show," Blaine said. "Well, that's what I came here for. What about you? I thought the designer hates Vogue."

"People find it extremely difficult to hate Isabelle," Kurt said with a shrug. "So... you're here with Sebastian?"

"Oh," Blaine said, surprised by this turn of the conversation, "well, yeah... he's getting drinks."

"Great," Kurt said, but it sounded obviously insincere.

"So... yesterday," Blaine started.

"It's fine," Kurt said, "Don't worry about it. I was really busy at Vogue anyway."

Blaine blinked in confusion. That wasn't exactly what he'd expected. "Well, yeah, I get it, I bet you had a lot to do... You still could have texted. Or you know, answered my texts. I was waiting for you."

"Why would you?" Kurt asked and looked completely perplexed. "Or... wait, texts? I only got the first, when you canceled. Did something change?"

"Wait, canceled?" Blaine asked. "I didn't cancel."

"Yes, you did," Kurt said. "See?" He started tapping on his phone, and a moment later held it out to Blaine. There it was, a text that Blaine never sent, canceling their meeting on behalf of spending the weekend with Sebastian. What Blaine failed to find were the texts he had actually sent.

"Blaine?"

"I didn't write that," Blaine said. "I didn't... wait, when was that sent?" He checked the time, and couldn't hold back an outraged sound. "I didn't write that," he said, more certain this time. "I forgot my phone yesterday, I only got it back in the afternoon. I didn't even have it with me when this was written."

Kurt frowned. "So, what...?"

"Sebastian must have sent that," Blaine said. "I can't believe him! Who does something like that?"

"Then what texts did you send?" Kurt asked.

"Well, I waited at the coffee shop, and you didn't show up, so basically they were texts about where you were and if anything happened," Blaine said, taking out his own phone. "See?"

"I never got those," Kurt said with a frown.

"But they were sent," Blaine said. "What's going on here?"

"I'm not sure... Call me right now," Kurt said.

Blaine followed the instruction. The call was coming through, but Kurt's phone stayed completely silent. Kurt looked at the phones, checked the number on Blaine's phone, but didn't find anything that would explain things.

"Let me, then," Kurt said and called Blaine's phone. Again, no call came through. "This is weird. It's been working with every other number." He seemed to think about something, and finally, something seemed to dawn on him. "Give me your phone."

"Uh, why?" Blaine asked, even as he held out his phone to Kurt who took it and fiddled around with it.

"I knew it," he said finally, "remember installing this app?"

Blaine looked at the phone and frowned. "Forbid? I never even heard of that," he said in confusion.

"Santana told me about it, she got it on her phone after she broke up with her high school girlfriend," Kurt said. "It's supposed to stop people from contacting their ex – or anybody they shouldn't call. You enter a number and it's blocked on the phone, and all calls or texts go to a different number. And now let's see... Oh look at that, my number's in there."

"I don't believe this," Blaine said. "Come on, we're dealing with this right now." He took Kurt's wrist and dragged him along as he went in the general direction of the bar. Through the cleared-up crowd, he could even see Sebastian, who was talking to some guy in a suit, two glasses in his hands.

"Care to explain this?"

Blaine didn't even bother with politeness, but held the phone directly under Sebastian's nose, the Forbid app still opened.

"What are you... what's _he_ doing here? Is he stalking you now?" Sebastian asked, immediately focussing on Kurt.

"I'm here for work," Kurt said, a scathing tone in his voice, "not that you'd understand the concept of that."

"And it's also not what we're talking about," Blaine said. "You messed with my phone!"

"Yeah, I'll leave you to that," the suit guy said, "see you in school, Bas." And with a wink to Sebastian, he turned away and left.

To his credit, Sebastian at least focused on the conversation at hand instead of his acquaintance. "I didn't do anything," he said, but Blaine could tell it was a lie.

"Right, you didn't do anything. You didn't send a text from my phone, and you didn't install this ridiculous thing on it," Blaine said. "What were you even thinking?"

"Yeah, what was I thinking?" Sebastian said, obviously at the end of his patience now. "Maybe I was thinking that I don't want my boyfriend meeting other people behind my back."

"Behind your back?" Blaine stared at him in disbelief. "I'm meeting a friend from school, which – by the way – you're doing all the time! You can't just mess around with my phone, Sebastian! What were you even trying to do with that? I see Kurt in school almost every day, did you really think this wouldn't come out?"

Sebastian finally started to look embarrassed. "Fine, it was rash and stupid, but what was I supposed to do? I don't want you around him, Blaine! So I saw your phone there, I remembered the app... What are you getting mad about? It's not a big deal!"

"Not a big deal?" Blaine asked, not caring if anybody noticed his raised voice. "Of course, it's a big deal! I thought I could trust you, but apparently I was wrong there."

"Don't you talk to me about a breach of trust, Blaine," Sebastian said, a dangerous glint in his eyes, "because guess what, that's what you're doing to me everytime you go to see _him_."

"Excuse me?" Kurt said, but for once Blaine couldn't focus on him. It was all coming back now, the previous fights about Kurt, the silence and avoidance, all the things they had _not_ fought about and just pretended didn't exist – it all came back in a rush of anger, unlike anything he could remember ever feeling about Sebastian, even though the feeling was more familiar than he cared to admit.

"We're _friends_, Sebastian! How often do I have to say it until you understand the concept? You act like we're having an affair or something. We're not! We're having coffee, for Christ's sake! You're meeting your friends all the time, you have study groups about three times a week, and you're spending time with guys all the time – you know, like the one you were just talking to. Do I just assume you're hooking up with that guy?"

"Well, maybe I am!"

For a moment, everything seemed to be completely silent, as if the whole room had heard Sebastian's words. Blaine could see the exact moment his boyfriend realized just what he had said. Beside him, he could see Kurt's eyes widen in disbelief. He himself felt... shocked, maybe? But distant, so very distant as if this wasn't happening to him.

"What did you just say?" Blaine heard himself ask. He didn't even know why he wanted to hear it, once should have been enough, shouldn't it?

There was a very specific kind of regret in Sebastian's eyes, that said he was sorry – for getting caught, or more likely exposing himself. But there was also spite, refusal to show any real regret for his actions. "A few times, so what? A guy has needs, Blaine!"

"So I-"

"_You_ have _issues_," Sebastian spat out.

"So this is your way of trying to make this work?" Blaine asked, the words from earlier tasting bitter on his tongue. "Well, maybe you shouldn't bother, then."

He turned around, unable to look at Sebastian's face right now. He saw a movement out of the corner of his eye and could hear Sebastian's voice calling for him at the same moment his hand landed on Blaine's shoulder. The reaction came so involuntarily and so powerful that it surprised Blaine himself, but this time he didn't suppress it. Almost violently, he shook the hand off and shot a warning look at Sebastian.

"Don't touch me!"

There was enough venom in his voice to make Sebastian take a step back. Blaine would never admit it, but the words and that reaction made him feel more in control than anything he could remember doing lately.

"I'm leaving. God, I can't even stand to look at you right now. Just leave me alone, Sebastian. If you care about us even the slightest bit, you leave me alone!"

Sebastian recoiled, but Blaine didn't stay to watch. In fact, he couldn't stay here a minute longer. He felt so ridiculously stupid. Why hadn't he seen that coming? Hadn't Sebastian always liked the image of being a player? It was surprising enough that he'd stay in a long-term relationship anyway, apparently expecting him to be faithful was asking too much. But he had seemed so devoted... so insistant on trying to make them work... Or was that just guilt?

And what would happen now? Was this the point where Sebastian decided he was tired of Blaine and his issues? Or was it the point where he himself had to decide whether this was the relationship he wanted?

How could he even walk away from this? He couldn't. Even if he wanted, he didn't have anyone. He had no job, no place to live, no family around to help, exactly one friend... he was completely dependent on Sebastian. And if he wasn't...

He only noticed that he was outside, when he felt the rain falling onto his face. Somehow he had left the party, somehow he had gotten his coat on the way, and now he was outside, alone, and of course, without an umbrella. But maybe the cool air could help him get his thoughts in order.

He was about to start his walk home, when he heard a voice calling his name.

* * *

What Kurt really wanted to do was punch Sebastian's ridiculous, disgusting meercat face. He would have settled for throwing a drink at him, but even that wasn't an option right now.

"You're disgusting," he hissed, as he couldn't think of anything else he could do in this setting, before he turned his back to the weasel and went after Blaine.

He didn't get very far, when he suddenly found his way blocked by Isabelle.

"Kurt, what is-"

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, "but I have to go. There's... something came up."

"I saw that," Isabelle said and nodded over to where Sebastian was still standing as if in shock. "Was that him? That boy who left, was that Blaine?"

"Yes, and I think he needs me right now," Kurt said, "so, please, I'm sorry, but I-"

"And that boy over there... That is the boyfriend you talked about?"

"Sebastian, yes," Kurt said, "but that doesn't matter right now."

"I don't believe this," Isabelle said, shaking her head. "Can you believe this?"

Kurt blinked, confused at why she was acting that way, but he had more urgent concerns right now. "I need to go after Blaine," he said.

"What? Oh, yes, of course, you have to look after him," Isabelle said, "but we need to talk about this. Tomorrow, maybe, I'll send you a mail. God, such a horrible thing to do..."

Kurt still wasn't sure what she was talking about, but he had gotten the permission to leave that he was hoping for, and with a quick goodbye continued to go after Blaine. He had lost him now in between the people, so he just tried his luck by going outside.

After a quick stop to get his coat and umbrella, he stepped outside into the rain. He looked around, scanning for umbrellas, but then he noticed a figure on the sidewalk, walking without anything protecting him from the rain.

"Blaine!" Kurt called out. "Blaine, wait!"

He didn't turn around, but he stopped and a few seconds later, Kurt had caught up with him.

"Blaine?" he said again, and carefully put a hand on the other boy's shoulder, almost expecting it to be thrown off. But Blaine just turned his head to look at him. He looked so helpless, and confused. There were what seemed to be tear marks on his face, but his eyes showed no redness, and his voice when he spoke was so normal, that Kurt wondered if it was just the rain.

"Sorry about that scene," he said, "that didn't go the way I thought it would."

"Blaine..." Kurt said. It was more of an instinct than a choice that made him step forward and put his arms around the other boy. For a split second he worried it might be unwelcome, but then Blaine returned the embrace, putting his head against Kurt's shoulder. It was something that seemed completely familiar from his dreams, but in reality... it was even more, and he had to remind himself that this was not the point right now, that Blaine needed him as a friend.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said softly.

"Don't be," Blaine replied, "it's not your fault."

"I know that, I just... I hate you being upset."

Blaine sighed and stepped back, but still stayed under the umbrella. "It really shouldn't have come as such a surprise," he said with a shrug. He was trying to sound detached, but Kurt could see right through it.

There were a million things he could say, about how it was okay to be upset, how Blaine deserved so much better than this guy, but what he eventually settled on, was "He's an ass."

Blaine let out a sound that could have been a laugh or could have been a sob, it was impossible to tell. "He is, isn't he?" he asked softly. "God, I feel so..." Blaine stopped, as if he was looking for the right words.

"Hurt?" Kurt suggested.

Blaine paused now and looked directly at him. "Stupid," he said. "Surprised, and stupid for being surprised, and really embarrassed."

Kurt blinked in surprise. That was not what he had expected. Then again, he wasn't sure he'd be able to correctly name his feelings if he was in a situation like that. This was probably not the right point to discuss semantics.

"Let me take you home," he said instead. "You're upset, you shouldn't walk around the city in this state."

For a second Blaine looked as if he wanted to argue, but then he sighed and looked down. "Thank you," he said, "that's probably the best idea." He put his hands into his pocket and started to frown. "oh no..." he muttered.

"What is it?" Kurt asked.

"I don't have any keys," Blaine said. When he looked up again, he looked completely helpless again. "Wow, look at me, I can't even get into the apartment without Sebatian around. How am I supposed to get anything done?"

"Hey, stop," Kurt said. It looked as if Blaine was already in the process of driving himself insane about this, and he was determined not to let it happen. "You're not dealing with him tonight. Tomorrow is another day, you can think about it then. Right now, you're coming with me. We have a couch you can sleep on, my roommates should be out. We'll just watch some silly movies and have a sleepover, and tomorrow, things will look different, okay?"

Blaine stared at him, as if he couldn't believe Kurt was real. "Are you serious?" he asked. "You'd do that for me?"

"Come on, I'll call us a cab," Kurt said as an answer.

* * *

As he had predicted, the girls were both out when they came home, and after a short tour through the loft and opening a bottle of wine, they had sat down in front of the TV for an impromptu Disney marathon.

At first, it seemed to work. After a few scenes, Blaine had seemingly relaxed. But now, with the climax getting closer, Kurt could tell that the distraction had stopped working. Blaine was sitting beside him, his eyes straight on the TV screen, but Kurt could tell that he was miles away. There was a lost expression on his face, and he was fiddling with the blanket they were using for warmth.

"This isn't helping, is it?" Kurt asked.

Blaine looked up immediately. "No," he said, "it's... it's fine, it's good. I just..."

"Too much on your mind?" Kurt suggested. "It's okay, I get it. I had just hoped that it could distract you."

"It did, at first," Blaine said, "I just have too much to think about now."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kurt asked.

Blaine sighed and pulled the blankets higher. "I have no idea what to do now," he admitted. "I still feel like I shouldn't be too surprised about it. I also feel like I should do something, but I don't have the slightest idea what."

"Dumping the ass could be considered a good first step," Kurt said. It was only half-joking.

Blaine sighed, and to his surprise Kurt saw him shaking his head. "It's not that easy," he said.

"What do you mean? It seems pretty straight-forward to me," Kurt said.

"Where am I supposed to go?" Blaine asked. "We're living together. Well... I'm living with him. His apartment, his money, it's all his. I have nothing, Kurt."

"So you're just going to stay with him because you depend on him?" Kurt asked. "That's not healthy, Blaine."

"It works for us," Blaine said, and now there was a hint of annoyance in his voice. "But it's not just that, I... I need him, Kurt."

"What for? To make you feel like crap?"

"Don't. It's... it's not always like that," Blaine said, "I know I love him, Kurt. And he's all I have."

Kurt had his mouth already open to start a response when the last sentence sank in. "Wait, what do you mean?"

Blaine sighed, and now Kurt could see how tired he looked. "Remember when I said that all my friends are from my time at Dalton?"

"Yeah...?"

"Well, that was a lie," Blaine said. "I didn't want to look like some kind of antisocial loner to you. The truth is, I'm not in contact with any of them. I haven't heard from or talked to them since graduation. I haven't been close to my parents since I came out. And my brother... let's not even start with Cooper. Sebastian is the only one I have, the only person who cares about me."

"I care about you."

The response came involuntarily. Blaine looked up at him in surprise, and something similar to awe. The expression alone would have been enough to break Kurt's heart. He didn't know what to do, so he took Blaine's hand and squeezed it softly.

"I do," he said again.

"I believe you," Blaine said, "although I really don't understand why."

No, he had been wrong. This here, this was heartbreaking. But that was not what was needed from him right now. "You'll figure it out," he said instead. "Don't worry, I'll be around until you do – and after."

"Is that a promise?"

"It is," Kurt said. "And I know it's scary – but you are not dependent on him. You don't have to stay with him, not after he hurt you like that."

Blaine shook his head and looked away. "I'm not sure I'm even hurt," he said, "I really mostly feel stupid, and I have no idea how to react to that."

Kurt sighed, but didn't let go of Blaine's hand. "You don't have to figure it out right now," he said, "I just want you to know that you have more than one option."

Blaine smiled softly. "Thank you. I'm really glad you've been there tonight."

"Anytime," Kurt breathed. He was sure he was flustered, and as they looked at each other he could see the color rising in Blaine's cheeks, too.

But that was not a good idea, not tonight, not like this.

"So... do you want to try again?" Kurt asked and pointed at the screen.

"It's worth a shot," Blaine said as he turned to the screen as well. "Let's do it."


	8. Chapter 7 - Nothing Here Is Real

**Chapter 7 - Nothing Here Is Real, Nothing Here Is Right**

"_It's never really felt like I've been getting to know you, it's always felt like I was remembering you from something. As if in every lifetime that you and I have ever lived we've chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again, over and over, for all eternity. And I just feel so lucky that I've found you so soon in this lifetime because all I want to do, all I've ever wanted to do, is spend my life loving you. So, Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?"_

The yes was still on Kurt's lips as he woke up. Confused, he looked at the ceiling, and for a moment, he didn't understand where he was. He had been standing on a staircase, surrounded by a crowd, and Blaine...

Oh. Of course. It had just been another dream. There had been no proposal, definitely not with what looked like several choirs singing to him – although he wouldn't have thought he could even dream up a proposal like that. But these dreams had been surprising him for a while now.

With a sigh, Kurt pulled the sheets higher. Although reality had come flooding back into his mind, he could still almost feel the ring on his finger. When he looked at his hand, it was bare, of course, but still... there was almost a kind of phantom weight on it.

Soft laughter from outside the curtains tore Kurt out of his thoughts. Now that he strained his ears, he could hear voices talking very carefully. That wasn't unusual, but then he realized that one of the voices was male. Suddenly, he remembered. Blaine had slept on their couch tonight. And by the sound of it, he had met Rachel.

Kurt got out of bed, determined to save Blaine from his diva friend, but when he stepped outside, he saw that he didn't really need to worry. The two of them were sitting at the table, cups of freshly brewed coffee in front of them, and talking in soft, but excited voices. For a moment Kurt could imagine them as old friends, maybe with a side of competitiveness and he tried to remember if he'd had any dreams in which these two had appeared together. While they mostly focused on Blaine, on occasion other members of glee club and some boys in private school uniform that Kurt assumed to be warblers had appeared, sometimes even Rachel.

What if she felt the same familiarity about Blaine? What if it wasn't just in his head after all?

But before he could finish the thought, Blaine had spotted him and waved him over.

"Good morning!" Rachel said with a beaming smile. She was way too happy for someone who had just worked a full night shift.

"I hope we didn't wake you?" Blaine said.

"No, it's fine," Kurt said as he sat down beside him. Blaine offered him some of his coffee, and Kurt gratefully took a sip. "I see you've met Rachel."

"I did," Blaine said.

"You didn't mention he's such a charmer," Rachel said and there was the hint of a giggle in her voice.

"I guess it didn't come up," Kurt said, although he was very sure that he had mentioned it. "Did you sleep well?" he asked, turning to Blaine. Now that he got a closer look at the other boy, he noticed that Blaine seemed a lot more relaxed than usual. His hair was slightly damp and there was a towel around his shoulders. Apparently, he had taken a shower already while Kurt was still asleep. Instead of the PJs Kurt had lent him he was wearing his clothes from yesterday, minus the jacket, and a few of the buttons on his shirt open. Kurt wasn't surprised at all that Rachel was charmed by him.

"I'm not sure I slept this well in ages," Blaine said. "Thank you for letting me stay here."

"It's nothing," Kurt said. He took another sip from the cup, before he remembered it wasn't even his coffee. He offered it back to Blaine, who accepted it with a smile. It could have been such a nice, intimate routine, but instead, it felt almost stilted to Kurt. He knew, why, of course. There was still the elephant in the room, and he had no idea how to address I – the question, what Blaine was going to do now.

At least Rachel seemed to notice something was going on, because she stood up with a dramatic sigh. "I think I'll go lie down for a while. Have a nice morning, boys!" Before she disappeared behind her own curtains, she threw a look at Kurt that said they'd talk about this later, and that was so unsubtle, that he was sure Blaine could read it completely.

"So, that was Rachel," Kurt said as she had disappeared from view. "I hope she behaved herself."

"We talked a bit," Blaine said, "it was... really helpful."

"Oh?" Kurt said and looked directly at him. "How so?"

He knew nothing good would come out of it, when Blaine involuntarily averted his eyes before answering. "I'm going to talk to Sebastian," he said.

"...and hopefully tell him to go to hell?"

"I told you, it's not that easy," Blaine said, and the tension crept back into his shoulders.

"And I told you, you have options," Kurt said.

"It's not just that," Blaine protested, "we've been together for two years. And it's not easy for him, either. I'm not excusing what he did, but I can't throw this away. I have to talk to him."

"Blaine, I-"

"Kurt, please." Blaine finally looked up and directly at him. "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just trying to figure things out. I know you're trying to look out for me, but I have to figure this out myself. You disagree with what I'm doing, but... I have to. So, can you at least try to understand me?"

Kurt had a few ideas on what to reply to that, but he bit his tongue. None of them were appropriate. "I'm worried about you," he said instead, "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Thank you," Blaine said, "but I don't think you can prevent that."

Kurt sighed. "I know."

Blaine smiled, but he looked down again. Kurt hoped it was because he wasn't so sure of this as he said.

"I should go home soon," Blaine said after a few moments of silence. "I have about two dozen messages on my phone."

"If you insist," Kurt said, "but you know you can always come back here, right?"

Blaine looked at him again, and the gratitude in his eyes was a hundred percent genuine. "Thank you."

Kurt still had a bad feeling about the whole thing as Blaine eventually left the loft. His first instinct was to walk after him and convince him to stay. The second instinct was to hurry to the window and watch him leave from there. He was stopped from both, when Rachel returned, just to step right in front of him.

"Kurt, what are you doing?"

Well, they were off to a good start.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Rachel," Kurt said. "What's your problem now? You were getting along perfectly with him just a moment ago."

"I was, he's lovely, but that is not the point," Rachel said.

Kurt raised an eyebrow at her, silently challenging her to elaborate.

"The point is that he has a boyfriend, who you already mentioned is really jealous of you, and now, the second they're having a fight, you're having Blaine over? Kurt, you're playing with fire here. He needs to figure things out with his boyfriend, not get confused when he's in a vulnerable state."

"Okay, what do you think we were doing?" Kurt asked. "They had a fight, he didn't want to see Sebastian, and he didn't have his keys on him. He slept on the couch, nothing happened and nothing was ever going to happen. Besides, he doesn't need to figure things out with his boyfriend, he needs to dump that ass and start standing on his own feet."

"Look, I don't know what they're fighting about," Rachel said, "but you don't want to interfere with that, trust me. I've been there, Kurt. And even if they break up and he'd turn to you... it wouldn't be real. It would be pain and confusion, and in the end you'd be the one getting hurt. I know we don't always see eye to eye anymore, but I'm trying to look out for you, Kurt."

"Which I didn't ask you to," Kurt said, but there wasn't much bite behind it. He knew that she was right. It still didn't change the feeling that things were not what they were supposed to be. But it wasn't Rachel's fault.

"I know it's not easy," Rachel said softly and put a hand on his arm, "but you have to let it go, Kurt, at least for now."

"I'm trying to be a good friend, Rachel," Kurt said with an exasperated sigh, "and I know he's with Sebastian, and I'm trying to be supportive... but he deserves so much better. You haven't seen them together. Sebastian is terrible. He's possessive, domineering, jealous..."

"Well, you are kind of interested in his boyfriend, wouldn't you be jealous if you were him?" Rachel asked.

Kurt involuntarily flashed back to that dream in which Sebastian had made an appearance, and found that he couldn't deny it.

"I wouldn't be so controlling, though," he said, "I wouldn't try to forbid him from meeting his friends. And I wouldn't go and sleep my way through my study groups."

"Wait, are you saying that's what his boyfriend is doing?" Rachel asked. "I had no idea... Blaine just said they were fighting, nothing about all that..."

"I guess that's just the way he is," Kurt said. "But I can't stand seeing them together, Rachel. It's just..." He stopped, before he said something that would sound completely ridiculous. Unfortunately, Rachel knew him too well and had of course picked up on it.

"What, Kurt?"

For a moment he hesitated. He longed to share this with someone, but he still thought it sounded ridiculous himself.

"He seems so familiar," was what he eventually settled on. "To me, at least. When I talk to him, when we go somewhere... I have the weirdest sense of déjà-vû, Rachel. Like I know him already, and my brain is just trying to remember him again."

"You mean like from another life?" Rachel asked. To Kurt's relief she sounded intrigued rather than incredulous.

Kurt frowned, thinking about it. "It's more like scenes from my life, but altered to make room for him – meeting him at Dalton, him sitting with me during glee club... even on the stage, singing One Hand One Heart with you..."

"He would make a good Tony," Rachel said in a contemplative tone, before she snapped out of it. "Wait, what do you mean, you see him? Like daydreams or like hallucinations?"

"Dreams, mostly," Kurt admitted finally. "I've had them since the day I met him. I dream scenes from my life that have him in them. And no, they're not normal dreams. I've tried to convince myself of that, but... they feel like memories, Rachel. They actually feel more real than a lot of memories I have from the last three years."

Rachel was completely serious now, and her face was full of concern as she looked at him. "But... Kurt, that is..."

"Impossible," Kurt finished for her, "I know, but... they feel real, Rachel, and I've dreamed some things about him that I later found out were true, that I couldn't have known. I don't really understand it, either, but I'm drawn to him. So... I can't really let it go, can I?"

Rachel nodded slowly. "It's... weird, and a bit concerning. But it also kind of sounds like..."

"Like I'm losing my mind?" Kurt suggested.

"Like soulmates," Rachel finished. "At least how I imagined soulmates should be. Somebody you already know and just have to re-discover."

Kurt stared at her in disbelief. He was relieved that she didn't think he was insane, but he hadn't expected her to be this supportive. "You don't think I've lost my mind then?" he asked carefully, although it felt like challenging fate.

"I think it means he's really important to you," Rachel said diplomatically. "I'm not saying it's the only explanation, but I do believe that you care about him very much. Can you just please promise me to be careful with yourself? I don't want you to get in too deep. This has so much potential of hurting you."

Kurt sighed. "I know," he said, "but I'm a bit afraid it's too late for that."

Rachel looked at him with a look that was almost pity, but before she could say something, Kurt's phone went off.

"It's Isabelle," he said after taking a look. "She was weird yesterday...And she wants to see me later. I hope it wasn't a problem that I left early..."

"She's like your fairy godmother, Kurt, I don't think you'll get in trouble if you explain it to her," Rachel said.

"I should get ready, though," Kurt said.

"Alright," Rachel said, "I think I'll really go and nap a bit. I'm glad we talked, though."

"Me too, Rachel. Thank you."

She smiled at him for a moment, and hugged him quickly before she left him to his thoughts.

For a moment, he wondered whether he should have told her about his last dream. Now that he was alone, Kurt closed his eyes and let his memories wander back to the images – the way Blaine had looked at him, how _happy_ he'd felt, the ring...

The ring.

He knew that ring.

Almost frantic, Kurt hurried to his wardrobe and started to search. He knew he had seen this ring before. He had vague memories of having a ring on his finger, but had taken it of – it had looked too much like an engagement ring, and he had no reason to wear one.

After a while, he did find it, hidden underneath scarves. He had been right. It was exactly the ring he had seen in his dreams.

But what did it mean? Was it proof that he dreamed of something that actually happened – or did he just work what he knew into the dream, like this ring?

Slowly, Kurt put the ring onto his finger. He stared at his hand, that looked at the same time strange and familiar. The metal was cold, heavy... but it had made him feel so warm, so happy...

"It's not real," Kurt muttered, "just dreams."

He couldn't even convince himself.

It was the signal tone of a text message that tore him out of his thoughts. As he checked his messages he found another text from Isabelle. Still a bit shaken, he took off the ring and put it back into the box it was resting in. He had things to do.

* * *

Despite what he had told Kurt earlier, Blaine wasn't sure of what he was doing at all. Of course he felt upset about what Sebastian had done and said, though the most unsettling thing was that after the shock had worn off, he could almost understand it. Blaine knew that he couldn't be an easy boyfriend to have. He had his issues, his moods, the migraines, most of all those cursed nightmares. His first instinctive reaction to affectionate touches was to flinch away, he didn't feel passionate about their relationship, or much of anything, really. Occasionally, he couldn't even stand being touched. Who wanted all that in a boyfriend? Could he blame Sebastian for wanting to get away from it, at least once in a while? Shouldn't he rather be grateful that he hadn't been dumped weeks ago?

Well, with that attitude, it would be easy to just go back, talk things out, forgive Sebastian and pretend nothing ever happened.

But there was a voice at the back of his head protesting, needling him to stand up for himself for once and not let Sebastian walk all over him. The only question was if he was actually able to.

Now, he was standing in front of their apartment door, but he couldn't get himself to ring the bell. He wasn't even sure if Sebastian was still there, although the dozens of messages he had on his phone suggested that he was. Blaine's fingers were starting to prickle, something he had learned to recognize as a sure sign of a bout of migraine. He really didn't want to have a confrontation when another one of those was about to hit...

Courage, he told himself, and finally pressed the button.

For a moment, everything was silent, then he could hear steps. The door was pulled open and he was standing in front of Sebastian. He looked in bad shape, with dark shadows under his eyes, and secretly, Blaine got a bit of satisfaction from that. A second later, he was engulfed in a tight hug. Instinctively he tried to pull away. Sebastian froze when he noticed it and stepped back, as well.

"Where were you?" Sebastian asked. He had the gall to sound accusing.

"Does it matter?" Blaine asked. "I was out. I told you, I didn't want to see you."

"You were with him, weren't you?" Sebastian asked.

Blaine stared at him in disbelief. "Are you serious?" he asked.

"I was worried sick, Blaine! I was up all night, waiting for you to come home. I must have left a dozen messages on your phone. And instead of caring, you go and hook up with _him_ of all people?"

"Hook up?" Blaine repeated. "I didn't have my keys with me, so I stayed with a friend. On his couch."

"Oh, spare me the details," Sebastian said. "I guess that at least makes us even now."

Blaine's jaw dropped and for a moment all he could do was to stare at Sebastian, hoping he had misheard something. But as he felt the first throbs of pain in his head, he realized that yes, Sebastian had actually said that. "Are you serious?" he asked. "Nothing happened! We watched a movie and talked, that's all – not that you get to attack me on anything. You're the one who cheated on me, Sebastian, not the other way round. And funny enough, you still don't even pretend you're sorry!"

Sebastian let out a belting laugh. "Is that all you want? An apology? Fine, I'm sorry! Happy now?"

"No, I'm _not_ happy!" Blaine's voice was raised just as high now, and all thoughts of reconciliation were gone from his mind. "How can you tell me you're trying to make this work when you go off and sleep with other guys? Can you even seriously try to explain this?"

"So I'm getting frustrated sometimes, I don't think you can actually blame me for that," Sebastian said.

"Well, I do. You can't expect me to just be fine with this!"

Sebastian sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "I don't, I didn't even want you to find out, okay? Look, can we just... Can't we just put all of this behind us? It won't happen again, I swear. So... I stop seeing those guys, you stop seeing _him_, and then-"

"Are you even listening to yourself?" Blaine asked. "That's not apologizing, you just expect me to forget what you did!"

"You're really good at that, aren't you?" Sebastian asked bitterly.

"I can't believe I wanted to talk to you," Blaine said, shaking his head, but regretting it immediately when another flare of pain shot through his head. "Why are we even still doing this?"

"Well, I guess _he_ isn't such a great alternative either, after all you did come back," Sebastian said.

Finally, Blaine had reached the point where he was just sick of it all. "I'm not doing this. I wanted to talk things out with you, but I guess it's pointless. I'm not staying here if you're going to be like that. I'm going out again. And stop calling me every five minutes."

"Running back to him again, are you?" Sebastian asked. "Whatever, I'm not doing this either. I'm out of here, Blaine. Maybe you should think about what you even want from this relationship."

"Fine, just leave me alone!" Blaine replied and stormed through into the bedroom. He could hear how Sebastian threw the door shut after a while. Only then did he let himself fall down onto the mattress. He wanted to scream. Kurt had been right, this was a horrible idea. What was even the point of this relationship? He couldn't trust Sebastian, they had nothing to talk about, and half the time he couldn't even stand Sebastian's touch.

Why were they even together?

Well, there was the point of love. Blaine knew that he loved Sebastian, like he knew that the sky was blue. But now that he thought about it, he couldn't exactly remember why. If he was completely honest, he couldn't even really remember why they got together in the first place. He had vague memories of meeting Sebastian at Dalton, of him being ridiculously sure of himself, cocky even, and that he'd felt really flattered by the blatant interest.

But... just how did they get together anyway? Why couldn't he remember? And now that he thought about it, it wasn't just his relationship. Most of his time at Dalton seemed to get blurry the more he tried to remember it.

What was wrong with him?

Lost in his thoughts, he looked around the room. It was a mess, really, and so was the rest of the apartment. He should clean up. He'd never get any studying done if he was distracted by the mess, and there was so much to do... And he really should take some medicine before the migraine really hit...

No. The mess didn't matter right now, and neither did studying. Blaine felt like had just been on the brink of something essential, something scary. There were gaps in his memory, gaps and completely blurry areas, but every time he started to think about it, his mind seemed to turn away from it.

Today, he had stood up for himself – well, kind of – so maybe now was the right moment to confront another fear.

He had been thinking about Dalton...

His instincts were screaming at him to stop, to get away, find Sebastian and pretend nothing had happened. They were almost overwhelming, but that voice at the back of his head was there again, telling him to go on. It reminded him of Kurt, and gave him the strength he needed to not turn away.

He went to their file cabinet. Something was there, something about Dalton that he was afraid to see. He knelt down before it and took out a folder bearing his name. It held the documents concerning him, personal papers, his diploma as well. He took it out, a surge of nostalgia running through him as he thought back to Dalton, not attempting to retrieve a distinct memory but just the feeling of safety he'd gotten at his school. It had been a safe haven for him, and all in all it had brought him good things, hadn't it? Did he really have to dig any further?

He was trying to run again.

Blaine inhaled deeply, before he looked down at the paper in his hand. It was his diploma, but it didn't bear the Dalton crest. Instead, there were four letters staring back at him, WHMS.

"What...?" Blaine muttered as he really looked at the diploma for what felt like the first time. It wasn't from Dalton Academy, at all. It was from a school called William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio.

Kurt's school.

"That's not possible," Blaine said. But saying it out loud didn't change the thing he was reading. It was his name on the diploma of a school he had never gone to. But... how? He looked through the file and found other documents, report cards from his junior year, also from William McKinley High School, beneath that finally some from Dalton, but only for his sophomore and second freshman year.

This wasn't possible. But he had it right in front of his eyes, black script on white paper. Black script... and red.

Blaine blinked in confusion, as more red fell to the paper. It took him a moment to realize what it was. Slowly, he brought his hand up to his nose and then looked at his fingers – and the blood on them.

Oh.

That was unusual. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd had a nosebleed. Then again, his memory wasn't the most reliable thing lately. It didn't matter, though. It was just a bleeding nose, nothing scary or dangerous. There was no reason to panic.

Why exactly was he so alarmed, then?

He leaned back to stop more blood from falling onto the documents, confusing as they may be, and looked around for a tissue.

Everything was fine. He was just feeling stressed about the situation with Sebastian, as well as his usual issues, and the documents. It was confusing, but there had to be an explanation. The throbbing inside his head got more insistent, now to the point where he couldn't ignore it any longer.

Finally, he got his hands on a tissue and pressed it against his nose to stop the blood flow. Right, everything was under control, no reason to panic, and he was definitely not bleeding enough to get light-headed. He had to be just imagining this.

For a second, the world turned black. His vision returned just in time to feel the impact as he fell against the file cabinet. There was another surge of pain in his head, sharp and burning, but almost a relief from the migraine that felt like a claw circling his skull and squeezing. He blinked and looked down at himself, the white dress shirt tainted with red, and why was he bleeding this much?

He squeezed his eyes shut against the too bright light, and let his head rest against the wood of the cabinet. He had medication in his nightstand. He'd deal with the bleeding in a moment, he just needed the pain to stop... He only needed to collect himself for a few moments, just enough to go to the bedroom...

When he opened his eyes again, he found Sebastian kneeling in front of him. There was something cold against his neck, and he realized that Sebastian was pressing an icepack against his skin.

"Blaine?" he asked. His voice sounded worried, almost frantic. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Blaine muttered, "just... my nose? I'm not sure..." There had to be something else. There was a fuzzy memory, of... documents, of some sort? He wasn't quite sure. Something that wasn't as it was supposed to be...

But the more he tried to remember, the more his head was throbbing. He couldn't grasp it, as much as he tried. All that was left was a vague sense of wrongness.

"Look at me!"

He flinched when he heard Sebastian's voice and looked back at his boyfriend, who now looked panicked.

"Come on, stay focused," Sebastian said, "are you hurt?"

"My head hurts," Blaine admitted. "What's going on?"

For a moment, Sebastian looked as if he would start to cry – something Blaine had never seen him do – but instead, he pulled Blaine into an embrace so tight that it was painful.

"Stop, Sebastian," Blaine said and pulled away. He noticed a folder on the floor that he could have sworn was the one he kept his own documents in. But why would it be lying around on the floor?

"God, Blaine, don't... just don't _do_ that!" Sebastian gasped. "Do you have any idea how worried I was? I come back and find you lying here, bleeding, with that... fuck, this is my fault."

"What? No," Blaine said, "why would it be...?"

"Because I hurt you," Sebastian said, "and instead of making you better I keep making things worse. I'm sorry. I won't... I won't do that again, never. I'll help you get better. It's not your fault I'm not patient enough. Let's just put this behind us, okay? I won't hurt you again, I swear, just... I need you to be okay, Blaine."

Blaine leaned back against the hard surface of the cabinet. He still wasn't quite sure what had happened, but Sebastian was apologizing... that had been what he wanted, hadn't it? And he was feeling just so... drained.

"Okay," he muttered, "right, okay, I just... I think I really need some rest."

"Right, come on," Sebastian said and carefully helped him up.

He hardly noticed how he ended up in bed, the blinds shut down and pain medication in his mouth. There was a cool washcloth underneath his neck, and wonderful, soothing darkness around him, and only a hand stroking through his hair disturbed him. As he drifted into sleep, he noticed that this feeling of wrongness was dissolving. Maybe things were okay. He just needed to get rid of the pain.

* * *

Entering the building of Vogue on Sunday felt a bit weird. Kurt was early, but Isabelle had been very insistent about wanting to see him today. After leaving the way he had the night before, he had a feeling that he shouldn't make her wait today.

When he knocked at her door, it was pulled open immediately.

"Oh, there you are," she said, "come in, and close the door, nobody else needs to hear this."

Surprised, Kurt entered and did as she had said. As he looked around in her office, he saw several books lying around that he was sure had nothing to do with fashion. All of them were huge, and several looked ancient. It was confusing, he really hadn't assumed Isabelle was the bookworm type...

"Sit, please," Isabelle said and pointed towards the chair in front of her desk. Still confused, Kurt sat down and looked at her curiously, as she stood in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders. "We have to talk about your boy."

Kurt sighed, looking away. "He's not my boy," he said. Unless dreams counted, at least.

"But he is, Kurt," Isabelle said, and there was so much conviction in her voice that Kurt had to look up at her again.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"He _is_ your boy. I know you said he's just somebody you met at school, somebody who has a boyfriend, but that's not the truth."

"It is, Isabelle, I checked," Kurt said.

"Not enough. Blaine is not some random boy to you."

"Well, no, but... what do you mean?" Kurt asked.

Isabelle looked at him intensely, as if she was preparing herself for an important revelation. She took a deep breath, as if to heighten the tension, and eventally, she spoke.

"He's your fiancé."


	9. Chapter 8 - I've Got A Theory

_Notes: So, here's the next chapter. This one starts with some exposition, which I hope doesn't end up boring everybody. Also, this is the chapter were the supernatural elements start getting discussed, so there's some background on that - also the point where the whole "Once Upon My Time broke my brain" thing really comes to play, not only with the supernatural background but with a scene stolen from one of my non-glee OTPs. So yes, a bit nervous about this one, which should explain the rambling here._  
_Anyway, I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 8 - I've Got A Theory**

At first, Kurt was sure she was joking, although he couldn't figure out how this was supposed to be funny. After a few moments, when she still hadn't started to laugh or given any indication that she had been anything but serious, Kurt had to speak up.

"He's what?" he asked, not very eloquently.

"Your fiancé," Isabelle said. "I know this is confusing, and probably scary, but think about it. Really think about it. Don't you ever get the feeling around him that you know him already? Like he's way more familiar than he should be?"

"Well, yes," Kurt admitted.

"And if you think back, did you ever notice any gaps in your memory? Things that are missing, or things that just seem blurry?"

Kurt's first instinct was to protest. He would have noticed if something was wrong with his memory, wouldn't he? But then he remembered the conversation he'd had with Rachel about the warblers, and about how they couldn't remember the performances that must have featured Blaine as their lead singer. When he had thought about it, he couldn't remember either sectionals or regionals from his junior year, and it wasn't just competitions. He had crystal clear memories of most lessons in glee club during his sophomore year, but those of his last two years were more of a blur than anything.

"There are," he finally admitted. Helplessly, he looked up at Isabelle, hoping that she might actually have a solution for this. "And I've been having dreams about him. But they felt more like memories."

"They _are_ memories, Kurt," Isabelle said. "They're just buried, but your real memories are still there. You remember all that you and Blaine have gone through. It's all there, just hidden."

"But... how?"

Isabelle looked slightly uncomfortable now. "That's the long part of the story," she said. "I hope you don't have any plans today?"

Even if he had, there was no way he could have left without getting the whole story now. "I'm all ears," he said.

"Right," Isabelle said, and nervously tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear, "so, where do I start... Do you believe in magic?"

"What?"

"Magic. Like... fairy tales, and spells and curses, those things," Isabelle said.

For once, Kurt bit his tongue instead of speaking his mind. But what immediately sprang to his mind was that maybe he wasn't actually getting an explanation on what was going on with Blaine – maybe Isabelle had just completely lost her mind.

"Of course you don't," Isabelle said after a moment of silence, "and why would you? It's become so rare by now, why would you know it. But it exists. Well, existed, mostly. Um, remember how you referred to me once as your fairy godmother?"

Kurt raised his eyebrow, almost dreading what he expected next. "You're not saying you actually are my fairy godmother, right?" he asked, aiming for a joke.

"Oh, no, of course not, that would be absurd," Isabelle said, "there are only a handful of actual godmothers around, and I wasn't on that level of power even before... But yes. I'm actually a fairy. Well, I was at least, once upon a time – pun not intended. But that's what it boils down to. I used to be a fairy."

Kurt stared at her, unsure on what to say. That was the last thing he would have expected to learn today. Or maybe poor Isabelle really was working too hard.

"And now you think poor Isabelle has lost her marbles and you should find a discreet psychiatric ward, right?"

Kurt gulped. Was mind-reading maybe a fairy power?

"It's the natural reaction, I admit," Isabelle continued, a knowing smile on her face, "and I didn't expect you to believe it right away. So here, I've put together a bit of evidence for you. You will need a little bit of faith, still, but let's see how far this will take us." She turned to her desk where there was a small flask filled with what looked like dust. As Isabelle took it into his hand, Kurt thought that the dust almost seemed to glow with a soft, greenish shimmer. Great, now he was losing his mind, too...

"Ever heard of fairy dust?" Isabelle asked.

"What, I need a lovely thought and then I'll fly?" Kurt asked. He tried to sound sarcastic, but the little particles inside the flask seemed to be floating.

"Something like that," Isabelle said, "think of your boy, maybe?" With a secretive smile, she poured some of the dust into the palm of her hand and with an encouraging look at Kurt, she softly blew the dust into his face.

For a second, nothing happened.

Then, he sneezed.

But he must have inhaled something, because the world seemed to take a green tint, and then he could hear voices, and everytime he blinked there were images behind his eyes – images of Blaine. They were kissing, for the first time over a dead bird's casket; dancing at two different proms and a failed wedding; he was walking away from Blaine, his heart breaking; lying on his bed, their hands intertwined and so much love between them; surrounded by people, but only the two of them counted, as he finally said yes, and the ring that Blaine put onto his finger; and kisses, so many kisses, and more...

With a gasp, he opened his eyes to reality, only to find Isabelle looking at him full of disappointment.

"It's not working," she said. "Why isn't it working?" she wondered.

"It's not?" Kurt asked, slightly out of breath.

"You're not flying, are you?" Isabelle said. "I really thought it would work. There's magic inside the dust, I thought this at least could work, even if I lost my powers..."

"I think it did," Kurt interrupted her. "Not the flying. I really don't need to be flying. But I think I... I remember, Isabelle. This is weird, but something just happened. Can you give me a moment?" He tried to sort his thoughts, those... images...

No, not images, memories. He wasn't sure what exactly he had just inhaled, what it had done with his brain, or if maybe both of them actually had lost their minds. But he felt completely sure that Isabelle had said the truth, that those weird dreams and flashes were memories. Blaine had proposed to him. they had gotten engaged, and Kurt had returned to New York. They'd been together again for Blaine's graduation, and then...

Then things had changed. But how, or why...?

Well, maybe now he would find the answers he was looking for.

"Okay, I... I think I... believe you? I'm not sure, it's a bit overwhelming," he said. "So... what happened? Why is everything like this?"

Isabelle looked at him in surprise. "Oh... that was... easier than I thought," she said. "Okay, then let's go to what went wrong. It happened at the end of summer. I felt it when it happened, but it took me some time to understand just what it was. It's a curse."

"A curse?" Kurt asked.

"It was a curse cast on Blaine, I think. It took his memories of you and everything that's connected to you. Of course, this had consequences on more than him – on you, obviously, but on a minor scale also on everybody who's been in contact with the two of you. The curse altered reality. Your relationship was taken away, and something else was put in its place."

"Sebastian," Kurt hissed.

Isabelle tilted her head. "That's the boyfriend's name, isn't it?" she asked. "Yes, he's at the center of it. He must have a fairy godmother, the magic is all over him. I could see it clearly. And it's the same power that's behind the curse."

"Wait, so this actually does go back to a fairy godmother?" Kurt asked, just to be completely sure.

"It does, yes," Isabelle said, "his family's fairy godmother cast the curse on Blaine, to tear him away from you. Only a godmother could wield magic this powerful, and they only act on behalf of the family they protect."

"How long have you known?"

"From the moment the curse fell," Isabelle admitted. "I felt the impact of it, although it took some time until I found out what it meant. And even then, although I hated that you got hurt by it, I didn't wish to interfere. I couldn't even tell that Blaine was at the center of it until I saw him"

"Then what has changed? Why are you telling me now?"

"I knew it had to be a godmother casting the curse, and I don't have a lot of good experiences in dealing with them. I didn't want to get involved, not as long as I didn't even know the point of the curse. But well... now I realized just what that point was. That boy, Sebastian? What he's doing is simply disgusting. Think about it, he took Blaine's memory, had reality altered, just to get him into a relationship? That's brainwashing on a level I don't even want to think about. Knowing that... I couldn't stay out of it. I couldn't just watch."

Suddenly, Kurt felt very cold. During all those revelations, he hadn't had time to really think. He had felt angry, of course, shocked and hurt, but... he wasn't the one suffering. His hand had somehow come up to cover his mouth. It was shaking.

"Does he know? Blaine, do you think he knows that something is wrong?" But even as he asked, he realized the answer. Maybe he didn't know, but it was obvious that Blaine felt that something was wrong – though rather than assume the world was wrong, of course he would think something was the matter with _him_...

Isabelle looked to the ceiling. "I'm... not sure," she admitted, "it's hard to observe these things from the outside. And curses are complicated.. They don't get cast and exist. When they come into this world, they are pending. Either they are stabilized, and then they jus turn into fixed reality. If that had happened yet, you wouldn't be able to remember anything, even those dreams and déjà-vûs weren't possible. And if they can be stabilized... well, then they can be broken, too."

"How? You have to tell me what to do, I'll do anything," Kurt said.

"I don't know," Isabelle said, "the classic used to be something romantic, like true love's kiss, but it really could be anything."

"Then what do I do?"

Isabell sighed. "I wish I could tell you, but I can't. Trust me, I've been researching things, but it doesn't lead me anywhere. I tried to find out who the godmother is, but that takes time and a lot of research. I've been hoping that maybe you don't have to break the curse. Maybe it's enough if you manage to get Blaine out of there. At least he'd be out of the grasp of that horrible person. The problem might even sort itself out then. These things can't stay unstable forever."

"Can Blaine even leave?" Kurt asked. "Or does that curse make him stay with Sebastian?"

Again, Isabelle sighed before she answered. "It's hard to tell. The one thing I'm sure of is that the curse altered reality in so far that it put him into this relationship, and probably gave him the information that he loves his boyfriend and always was very happy with him. It's hard to argue with powerful memories, no matter how fake they are. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but if I had to guess, I'd say the curse isn't actively stopping him from leaving – but it makes it very hard."

"So I could convince him to leave?" Kurt tried to assure himself.

"You'd have to be very convincing," Isabelle said, "but I figure if anyone can do it, it's you. And you have to be subtle, you can't tell him what's going on." She took his hand and gave him what was probably supposed to be an encouraging smile, but turned out about as shaky as Kurt felt. "I know this is all very confusing and scary, but we will figure out how to make this right, okay?"

"We have to," Kurt said. "I'm sorry, I just... I think I need some time to think this through."

"Take all the time you need. If it helps, you can have a few days off?"

"I'll think about it. And Isabelle? Thank you."

* * *

By the time Monday came around, Kurt had thought things through a million times. It was completely ridiculous, unrealistic and impossible. It also made way too much sense. Rachel and Santana both had noticed that something was wrong, but he had managed to dodge their questioning and eventually they had chalked it up to him sulking about how they guy he was interested in already had a boyfriend.

If they knew...

His mood hadn't improved by the time he had come to NYADA, the usual two cups of coffee in his hands to wait for Blaine. By now, he was quite sure he remembered almost everything that had been blocked out of his memory. God, he really hated Sebastian.

Speaking of the devil...

Kurt finally got a glimpse of Blaine, but he wasn't alone. Sebastian was walking beside him, an arm around Blaine's shoulders, apparently escorting him to class. So they had made up, despite what Sebastian had done... It all got even worse now that he realized that Sebastian was behind it all.

He quickly stepped into a position where he could watch them without being too obvious. If he didn't know better, he actually could have believed that Sebastian cared. There was something about the expression on his face that was almost tender. Kurt had the unfamiliar urge to punch him.

From this angle, he couldn't see Blaine's face, but he found himself wondering nonetheless. Would he be happy, or at least content, now that they had made up? Or would he look as lost as he had this weekend? For a moment, Kurt wondered which of these options would hurt more.

Before they could get out of sight, he started following them, always keeping enough space between them not to be noticed. Only when they stopped before Carmen Tibideaux's class room, did he manage to get into a position from where he could actually see Blaine's face.

Blaine didn't look happy. His face looked blank. He was staring into nothing as Sebastian talked to him. He could as well have been sleepwalking. Kurt could see how Sebastian leaned in for a kiss that landed somewhere at the corner of Blaine's mouth. He felt his anger rise to the surface again. Forget punching, he was going to kill Sebastian – especially when he noticed the shudder that went through Blaine once the bastard had turned his back.

Blaine had to know on some level that something was wrong. It all made sense now that he thought about it – how Blaine was so isolated from everybody but Sebastian, why he stayed in a relationship that obviously made him unhappy, probably even his recent problems with music... so much of who he was had been just locked away, and only because of Sebastian.

How on earth was he supposed to get Blaine out of there?

And then, suddenly, Isabelle's words came back to the front of his mind. _Something romantic, like true love's kiss..._

True love's kiss – well, he could definitely do that.

With hardly a look to see if Sebastian was far enough away, Kurt made his way down the corridor to where Blaine was still standing, looking lost again.

"Blaine!" he called out when he was nearly there.

The other boy looked up and their eyes met. A smile appeared on Blaine's face, relieved and hopeful, and really, what more did Kurt need as a reassurance? With a few steps he had reached him.

Blaine's eyes widened and the happiness turned to confusion as Kurt stepped right into his personal space, and that was the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes and sealed their lips together.

Blaine's lips were exactly as he remembered them, soft and pliant under his, and so familiar he could have cried. Without permission, one of his arms slipped around Blaine's shoulders, pulled him closer. Blaine's mouth opened in a gasp for breath, or maybe of surprise, and Kurt took the invitation, tracing the other boy – his fiancé's, this was his fiancé – lips with his tongue. Blaine's hands came up, as if to clutch at the front of Kurt's shirt, and then...

The force of the push made Kurt stumble. He was so taken by surprise that he didn't manage to catch himself, and suddenly, with a surprised yelp, he hit the floor. For a second he felt frozen, and could only stare at Blaine standing above him with a shocked expression in his face.

Then, time went on again.

"Oh my god!"

Blaine finally broke out of his trance and knelt down beside Kurt.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm... fine, I'm... Blaine?" Kurt looked up at him, hoping for recognition or any sign that it had worked. But after the first shock, Blaine's expression turned into something else, and it wasn't the joy or relief Kurt had expected. His heard almost stopped as he realized that the expression on Blaine's face was outrage.

"What was that? Why did you... _kiss_ me? You know that I have a boyfriend!"

"But... he's not... you're not..." Kurt knew he was stammering, but he couldn't help it. He hadn't planned for this. Really, he hadn't planned at all, he had acted spontaneously, and obviously it had been a horrible idea.

"Really, Kurt? You _know_ we're having a rough time at the moment, and that you're already a sore spot for him... I... God, I told him there's nothing going on between us, you can't just kiss me!"

He stood up abruptly, although he did reach out to pull Kurt to his feet. "You can't do that, Kurt," he said, "that is _so_ out of line."

"Blaine, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking..."

Blaine shook his head. He looked less angry now, more upset and hurt, or maybe even betrayed. "No. I don't want to hear it right now. You can't. You just... you can't." Without another look at Kurt, Blaine turned on his heel and walked into the class room. His squared shoulders made it obvious that following him was not an option.

Kurt felt a shiver run down his spine. Oh god, he had ruined everything hadn't he? Now how would Blaine ever trust him?

"Mr. Hummel, don't you have a class to attend?"

Kurt turned around astonished. Carmen Tibideaux had come up behind him, ready to enter the class room Blaine had disappeared into. He looked to his watch. Right, class...

"I was on my way," he said.

Carmen Tibideaux watched him with interest as he made his way to his own class. He wasn't sure he would be able to concentrate at all. Maybe it would be the best thing if he took a day off...?

But really, the only thing he could think of was that look on Blaine's face – outrage, and betrayal... He wasn't sure he could ever shake it off.

* * *

Sebastian hadn't expected to come back to NYADA this soon. Now, he wasn't even sure about why he had accompanied Blaine to class earlier. It was somewhere between concern about Blaine after the... episode on Sunday, and hoping he'd at least keep Kurt Hummel at bay. He had to admit that was about as stupid as the phone thing had been – Blaine was right, they could see each other several times a day during school, and Sebastian couldn't exactly hang around Blaine 24/7.

Though maybe that wouldn't be the worst plan. At least then he wouldn't get called in the middle of a lecture and had to go to this joke of a school because his boyfriend had the killer migraine from hell, again. Of course, after that episode on Sunday, Sebastian had panicked and rushed to NYADA immediately. They said it was just a migraine, but what if they were wrong? What if Blaine had gotten worse?

At least now after seeing Blaine, he was calmer. The migraine was so bad that he couldn't keep his eyes open and he was leaning heavily against Sebastian's side, but there didn't seem to be anything else wrong with him. Sebastian would just have to get him home, get some meds into him and let him sleep for some time, and then he'd be better... well, as good as he'd get these days, not that that was saying a lot.

As they stepped outside, he felt Blaine flinch at the sunlight.

"Come on, the cab's waiting," Sebastian said. "I'll have you home in a moment."

"Thanks," Blaine muttered, "for coming. I'm sorry, I know you have classes."

"Screw them," Sebastian said dismissively, "you're more important. It's just a headache though, right?"

"It's a migraine, Sebastian," Blaine said, exhaustion evident in his voice, "that's not just a headache."

"I know that," Sebastian said, unable to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Migraine, then. But otherwise you're fine?"

There was a sigh before Blaine answered. "Sure, apart from the migraine I'm _wonderful_, Sebastian."

"Well, I guess it's not that bad if you're getting sarcastic," Sebastian said. "Did something happen, though?" He had wondered about this from the moment he had heard Blaine had another... yes, he'd stick with "episode" for now. After Sunday, he'd thought they'd have at least some time before another thing happened, but obviously he had been wrong.

The interesting thing was Blaine's reaction, though. His eyes darted up to Sebastian's, and then he quickly looked away. "What should have happened?" he asked dismissively. He couldn't have been more obvious if he had held up a transparent. Something had happened, and Sebastian could have made a bet on just whose fault that was. But now wasn't the right moment to discuss this.

Blaine didn't speak much during the cab ride, but for once, Sebastian wasn't put out by that, too busy with his own thoughts. He couldn't take his eyes off Blaine. He was paler than when they'd first met, and he looked exhausted. Most of that was probably because of the migraine, but Sebastian knew that even on good days it wasn't much better.

This wasn't how he had imagined things would be if Blaine ever became his boyfriend. He would deny it, of course, but ever since they met he had made up way too many scenarioes of that. At first, it had just been fantasizing – nothing unusual, it was more of a reflex when he met somebody he found hot. He didn't know himself when he had started to actually fall in love with Blaine, but it had happened, had almost turned into an obsession. Sebastian was self-aware enough to know he had problems accepting if things didn't go his way. If he wanted something, he wanted it right then, and then he took it, or fought tooth and nail until he got it. And god, did he want Blaine, had wanted him from the moment he saw him. It would have been so easy, too, if only it wasn't for Kurt Hummel. He had known Blaine would be perfect for him, perfect by his side...

Then why were things so utterly un-perfect now? It wasn't supposed to be like this. That's not what he had envisioned when he had this spell cast.

This was another thing he'd take to his grave. Nobody would look at him and think he'd believe in fairy tales. Of course, they hadn't met Nerida. He had always been aware that his full-time nanny had more power than everybody else seemed to see. When Sebastian had found out just what she was, she had taken him under her wings, and when she had, it had changed his life for the better. She had let him stay with his mother in France and spend most of his high school time there. But after their falling-out, Sebastian had turned his back on her, opting to return to his father in Ohio. At first, it had been a reaction of spite when she refused him a wish – but once he'd met Blaine, he had started to get comfortable in his new home. After all, challenges made life so much sweeter...

Of course, Blaine had turned into a challenge he just couldn't crack. Whatever Sebastian tried, it hadn't worked – not even when Blaine was single. Sebastian had hoped to get into the role of a friend, and work from there, but that too hadn't helped, and only eventually led to him agreeing to have the Warblers help Blaine with his proposal. He had tried to do the right thing, he really had – it had just really sucked to see Blaine this happy about his engagement. What point was there in doing the right thing when it didn't get you anywhere?

That had been the last straw, and eventually, he had gotten over his pride and turned to Nerida for help. It had taken some time, and lots of groveling, but eventually she had agreed to help him, and the solution she had offered had blown him away.

Here he was, with Blaine as his boyfriend, Hummel not even in the picture. It was the perfect setup. Sebastan had really thought he would be happy like this.

But it wasn't real, was it? Everything was still pending, because he couldn't manage to fix it. And Blaine was so obviously not happy. The spell hadn't just taken his memory, it had taken... more. Sebastian couldn't even describe what it was exactly, but Blaine seemed exhausted all the time, as if most of his passion had just been drained out of him. Sometimes, Sebastian couldn't even recognize him as the boy he'd met back in Ohio.

They finally arrived at the apartment complex. Blaine got out of the car while Sebastian paid and walked up to the door where he leaned against it, waiting for Sebastian to catch up with him.

It was getting worse. The spell was starting to hurt Blaine. A shudder went down Sebastian's spine as he remembered yesterday, how he'd found Blaine barely awake, bleeding and confused over the folder holding his diploma. It had been so close... but apparently, it hadn't been able to make Blaine realize what was going on. It had to be one of the spell's side-effects, that it kept his brain from accepting that reality had changed.

On some level, Sebastian envied Blaine and everybody else. At least they didn't have to deal with this dual set of memories. He had to be so careful not to screw things up. Once, he had slipped up and talked about something from their real memory. Blaine had almost gone into a seizure...

But it wasn't supposed to be like this. By the time they'd gone to New York, the spell was supposed to be stable. Blaine and him were supposed to be happy, and Kurt Hummel was supposed to be out of the picture forever.

But he was back _in_ the picture now, and Sebastian had no idea how to handle that, and even less of an idea on how he was supposed to get Blaine to be okay again.

Well, he knew exactly what he had to do, it just wasn't working.

When they got into the apartment, Blaine weakly started walking to the bedroom. Sebastian followed and saw him just shrug off his jacket and fall onto the matress, not even taking of his shoes.

With an impatient sigh, Sebastian sat down at the edge of the matress and took them off for him.

"You're kind of a mess at the moment, hm?" Sebastian asked. There was a muffled noise instead of an answer. Blaine didn't even look up from the pillow.

"Come on, sit up," Sebastian said, rolling his eyes. He didn't like seeing Blaine hurting, but just pitying him wasn't helping. So he rummaged through the nightstand until he found the migraine medication. With some effort, he managed to get Blaine to sit up long enough to actually take some, before he dropped back down into the pillows. With a sigh, Sebastian stroked through his hair, a few strands escaping the gel on his head.

Maybe it was worth another attempt? Gently, Sebastian took Blaine's shoulders and turned him over onto his back. His boyfriend blinked at him in confusion, turning away from the sunlight streaming in through the window.

"What?" he muttered.

Sebastian bowed down and put a kiss right onto Blaine's lips, as gentle as he could, putting a hand against his cheek. He softly stroked his thumbs over Blaine's skin, hoping and praying that it would work this time.

But his hope was disappointed again, as Blaine turned his face to get away from his kiss.

He never would have expected that to hurt as much as it did. But probably nobody wanted that kind of reaction when they kissed their boyfriend.

"Come on," Sebastian muttered and tried to kiss him again, but now Blaine weakly pushed him away.

"Are you serious?" Blaine muttered.

"Why not?" Sebastian replied. "Come on, it's been ages..."

"You're not serious..." Blaine said and looked at him as if he had completely lost his mind.

"Again, why not?" Sebastian insisted, even though he knew he sounded whiny now.

"Because my head feels like it's exploding, for one? I think that's a really good reason not to."

"Blaine, I-"

"No, Sebastian. I really want to sleep right now," Blaine said. "You don't have to stay with me. I just... really... really need some sleep. And, you know, dark. Dark would be nice."

Sebastian thought about protesting, but he realized it was useless. "Fine," he muttered turning away, "I've got classes anyway."

Blaine made another sound that might have been a goodbye, and Sebastian looked back to him once more, but Blaine had turned away so his face was buried into the pillow, shielding him from the light. With another exasperated sigh, he walked over to the window and closed the curtains. Another noise that may or may not have beeen a thank you came from the bed. Sebastian looked at him, wishing things were different.

But why on earth didn't it work?

* * *

Kurt had kissed him.

There were other things Blaine should be thinking about. Maybe about how he had finally managed to pull off a performance that Carmen Tibideaux was satisfied with. Or about how his boyfriend had actually taken some time off his busy schedule to take him home. Maybe thank heaven that for now the pain had finally subsided.

But Kurt had kissed him, and that made it really hard to think of anything else.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed since Sebastian had left. He knew he must have fallen asleep, it was obvious from how much better his head felt. For a moment he wondered whether he should be disappointed that his boyfriend hadn't stayed – but of course, that was ridiculous. Sebastian had classes, and better things to do than watch Blaine sleep. Besides, he wasn't too upset about having some time to get his thoughts in order.

Just what had happened? What had Kurt been thinking? How could he just do that? They were friends, just platonic friends, nothing else. Not people that kissed.

They had kissed.

It didn't mean anything. Kurt had just... who knew, temporarily lost his mind? Something like that, probably. Just a kiss, nothing to get upset about. And it hadn't even been that long. Just... a few seconds? A few seconds of Kurt's lips moving against his, soft and warm, and as if they'd kissed a million times and...

It didn't mean anything.

They had just kissed once...

No, _they_ hadn't. It wasn't that they had kissed. Kurt had kissed _him_. And he had pushed Kurt away. That was all. He had pushed Kurt away because that was not what they were about, and so what if there had been a moment when all he had wanted was to pull him closer, to kiss back...

But he hadn't. He had a boyfriend, and Kurt was his best friend – platonic best friend.

So what if it had made his pulse skyrocket and not slow down for what seemed like ages? Or if it had finally given him that push he needed to pull off a performance good enough for NYADA?

It still didn't mean anything. It was bad, even. It might ruin their friendship.

...what if it did ruin their friendship?

Blaine sat up again and ran a hand through his hair. It couldn't... this couldn't ruin them, could it?

But yes, it could. Because if Kurt kissed him... if Kurt wanted more from him than friendship... then they couldn't even be friends anymore. Sebastian was already jealous of Kurt, suspected him of having ulterior motives, and Blaine kept telling him that there was nothing going on... What if there was, though? They wanted to give their relationship a second shot. The logical conclusion of that was that he couldn't see Kurt anymorre.

Blaine was shaking now. This was bad. He needed a solution to this. If he could talk to Kurt... He looked at the alarm, checking the time. It was already after three, so he had spent hours asleep. But at least he was painfree now.

Kurt had said he'd be at the diner this afternoon... Slowly, to not upset his head or stomach, Blaine stood up from the bed. He had nothing else planned for today, he was well enough to get up, and the sooner he cleared things up with Kurt, the better. And if he hurried, he might even manage to be back home before Sebastian returned.

He did feel bad. This was going behind Sebastian's back, too. But in the end, this was going to be helpful He would tell Kurt that nothing could happen between them, and with some luck he could keep a friendship without endangering his relationship. This would work out. It had to.


	10. Chapter 9 - What Can't We Face?

_Notes: __ So, in this chapter there's some friendly, completely unbiased, bar-tenderly advise, and Blaine tries to get things in order, which all things considered turns out better than expected._

**Chapter 9 - What Can't We Face?**

"Hey, Kurt, I thought you had the day off."

"I have to see Isabelle," Kurt said without paying much attention to Chase. He wasn't even here for work. All he wanted was some information and then go and crawl up in his bed, waiting for death.

He had ruined absolutely everything. God, what had he been _thinking_?

Well, he had thought that he could just snap Blaine out of this curse and make him remember everything, like when Isabelle had used that fairy dust on him.

Instead, Blaine didn't remember a thing and probably thought Kurt was a creep, pretending to be his friend and then making a move on him. And now, he had made everything worse than it had been before.

Isabelle was in her office, and it was even more of a mess than it had been yesterday. There were those old tomes, with some of the more usual magazines scattered around them, and on her desk there was a portfolio of designs that even on first glance looked scarily absurd.

"No disturbances, I have to get this right!" she yelled without looking up. "Oh, Chase, how do you feel about a leather-satin mix?"

"Er... not the first thing I'd go with," Kurt said.

Isabelle looked up at his voice. "Kurt? Oh, what are you doing here? Has something happened?"

"Well, yes," Kurt said, "I tried it, Isbelle, but it didn't work, he didn't remember anything at all. How could that happen?"

"Wait, wait, wait, tried what?" Isabelle asked, and suddenly she looked almost scared. "Oh my god, you did _not_ tell him about it, did you?"

"No, I didn't get that far," Kurt said, "and I still don't exactly get why I can't, but... True love's kiss, you said that breaks curses, but it didn't."

"No, no, I did not say that, I said it's usually something like that," Isbalele said, "and that it could be anything. And what do you mean, it didn't work? Sit down, tell me, what happened?"

Kurt sighed, but followed her advice. He took several deep breaths trying to calm down enough to explain to her exactly what happened, which eventually didn't end up taking that long.

When he was done, Isabelle looked at him with an expression full of pity.

"Oh poor dear," she said, "I'm so sorry, but that could not have possibly worked. Even if true love's kiss was the solution, it wouldn't have broken the curse."

"But I kissed him," Kurt protested.

"You did," Isabelle said, "but it's never just a kiss. It's true love's kiss, that's something way more special."

Kurt loooked at her in confusion. "But I do love him!"

"I know you do," Isabelle said, "Anyone who ever hears you talk about him would know that, and if that isn't true love then I don't know what is. To put it frankly, you're not the problem here."

"If it's not me, then..." He stopped, as he realized just what she was saying. "You think he doesn't love me? I can't believe you're saying this, you haven't even spoken to him, how could you possibly know if he loves me?"

"How could he?" Isabelle replied. "Think about it, Kurt, just... really, really think about it. That poor boy is basically the curse's epicenter. He has lost a huge chunk of his memory, including everything about you. To him, you're a boy he met only a few weeks ago. Even if there is a certain attraction there, it's not love, not yet. I'm not saying he didn't love you before the curse hit, but right now? He simply doesn't."

"Then how am I supposed to get him out of there?" Kurt asked. He couldn't sit still. Without even deciding on it, he found himself pacing the room. "I thought it could work, to just remind him of us, and then we'd be fine, but I can't do that now, can I?"

"That's why I told you to be subtle and lure him away from that horrible boy," Isabelle reminded him.

"Somehow I don't think me kissing him helped a lot with my chances there," Kurt replied.

"Then you have to talk to him. Apologize, tell him you were out of line and that it won't happen again. Your one chance is to salvage your friendship. He won't listen to you if he thinks you're trying to woo him."

"Woo..." Kurt started, but gave up on that fight. "Do you think he'll forgive me?"

"That depends on how sincere you are, I guess," Isabelle said, "but the most important thing is that you don't tell him about the curse. I've seen that happen before, and it's not pretty. The human brain is not built to deal with dual realities, and being forced to do so would hurt him, a lot. I've seen people die under the strain. Don't do that to him."

Kurt felt the blood drain from his face. He hadn't been aware that it was this dangerous. "I won't," he said softly.

"Good," Isabelle said. "I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you, but the this is a very complicated matter."

"It probably would have been too easy if it worked like in the fairy tales, hm?" Kurt said. „True love's kiss..."

"Well..." Isabelle seemed to hesitate, but eventually she continued. "Don't give up on that completely, it could still happen."

"What do you mean?"

Isabelle smiled at him, and for the first time he saw a little bit of hope there. "You say he's your soulmate... in that case, you _are_ going to find back to each other, I'm sure of it. Just because he doesn't remember doesn't mean he can't fall in love with you again. You just have to win his love once more. You did it before, I'm sure you have it in you. But for now, don't put him under pressure. The best thing you can do for him at the moment is just to be a friend."

Kurt sighed, but nodded. A friend? He could do that. Blaine was, after all, his best friend as well as his love. He would manage, at least for now – _if_ he could get another chance.

* * *

This time, Blaine didn't hesitate as he entered the Spotlight Diner. He was nervous, and he wasn't completely sure of what he was going to tell Kurt. But the one thing he knew was that he had to make sure Kurt and him were okay. This would be awkward and uncomfortable, but they could do it. They _would_ get over this. Blaine wasn't sure how to stay sane without him.

Fortunately, things looked really quiet at the moment as he looked around in the diner. A few customers, but the rush around noon had died down, so at least he'd be able to have a conversation with Kurt – well, if he could convince him, that is. But as he looked around, he realized that he couldn't see Kurt anywhere. He hesitated. He had been so sure that Kurt was going to work here this afternoon. Maybe he was somewhere in the kitchen, or outside, or...

"Blaine?"

He looked up when he heard his name. It was Kurt's friend, Rachel, dressed up in her waitress uniform and walking up to him.

"Uh, hi Rachel," Blaine said, "is Kurt here?"

"Oh, no, he switched shifts," Rachel replied, "although that really was on short notice, I don't know what's up with him. Do you know something?"

Blaine gulped. He could feel the blush forming in his face.

"Oh my god, you do!" Rachel said. "Is everything okay? Did you two fight?"

Blaine sighed. "It's... a bit complicated," he said. "But I really need to talk to him."

For a moment, Rachel looked as if she wanted to start a monologue, but then she focused on him. "You seem really upset," she said. "I'm not sure where he is, he said he was going to Vogue and who knows how long that'll take him... but maybe, if you want to talk, I could listen?"

Blaine hesitated. He was really hoping he could talk to Kurt, but now it sounded as if it would be more difficult to get hold of him than he'd expected. Of course, they'd see each other in NYADA soon enough, but between classes and his two jobs Blaine realized that it would be quite easy for Kurt to avoid any serious conversation.

"Do you even have time?" Blaine asked to stall. "I wouldn't want to keep you from your work."

"Oh, please, look around, nothing's going on here," Rachel said with a shrug. "Come on, let's sit down, and then you tell me what's bothering you."

Blaine still wasn't completely sure. But he wouldn't be able to meet Kurt right now, and maybe talking to someone really was what he needed to get his thoughts in order. Yesterday, talking to Rachel had made him feel a lot better and more confident about where he was standing. Maybe it could work again? Besides, who else could he talk to? Sebastian could never find out about this, and while he really wanted to discuss this with Kurt, it might not be the best way to figure out just what he was thinking. Suddenly, he really missed his brother. They hadn't been close in ages, but how good would it be if they could just talk to each other and confide in each other like normal siblings did?

"Okay," he said eventually, "just... stop me when I start rambling, please?"

Rachel clapped into her hands excitedly and pulled him over to a stool at the bar. Quickly, she stepped behind it, took a glass and started wiping it.

"What are you doing?" Blaine asked warily.

"I'm being the friendly barkeeper listening to you sharing your worries, of course," Rachel said. She glared a bit when he laughed. "Oh, shut up, I always wanted to do that."

"Okay, fine, then. I just... I'm not really sure where I should start," Blaine admitted.

"Hm, we could catch up from yesterday," Rachel suggested. "How did it go with your boyfriend?"

Not exactly the subject he had wanted to talk about, but it was a start. "We... kind of made up," Blaine admitted. "At first when I came home we fought again, but then..." He stopped. Somehow he couldn't finish the sentence, didn't even know the words anymore that were needed to end it, or what he had been trying to say.

"Then what?" Rachel asked.

"We made up," Blaine repeated softly. "I mean, we... he apologized to me. He was really sorry for hurting me, and he said it won't happen again." There had been something else. But what...?

"Do you believe him?" Rachel asked, interrupting his thoughts.

Blaine shrugged lightly. "I'm... not sure," he said, "I do think he means it. I'm just not sure how long that will last."

"Wow," Rachel said thoughtfully, "that's kind of rough, isn't it? That you can't trust him enough to know that?"

Blaine sighed, but somehow she had helped his mind find another track, one that it could actually follow. "It should be," he admitted, "but it kind of doesn't feel like it. It's complicated. But I just want to believe it for now. It's been rough for a while. It would be really nice to have things calm down."

"Well..." Rachel said, but then bit her lip.

"What?" Blaine asked.

"Is calm really enough?" Rachel asked. "Wouldn't you prefer being happy?"

Blaine stared at her. For a moment, he flashed back to the feeling of Kurt kissing him. He gulped and tried to think of something else. "I... I'd like both," he admitted finally. "I told you, it's complicated."

"Hm, yeah, I know what that feels like," Rachel said. "Well, not your specific situation, but relationships... they're kind of difficult."

"Really? Are you having trouble, too?" Blaine asked with concern.

"Not right now," Rachel said, "let's just say, there have been occasions. But we were talking about you, weren't we? Let's get back to that."

Blaine smiled at her and sighed. "Well, that's about it," he said, "we're trying to keep things calm right now and be respectful of each other and all that jazz, so... let's see how that works."

Rachel hummed, put away the glass and leaned over the bar. "That doesn't explain why you're here, though, if everything is calm at the moment."

"Well, with Sebastian, yes," Blaine said, "everything's calm with him, that's not why I came here."

"Is it Kurt?" Rachel asked. "Is that why you wanted to see him? Did something happen?"

Blaine's eyes widened and he just knew he was blushing again. Great, he hadn't even decided on how much he actually wanted to tell Rachel, but she'd have to be blind to miss his reaction.

"Oh my god, something did happen," she exclaimed. "What was it, is he okay? What... what happened?"

And now she looked worried as well as curious.

"N-nothing bad," he said quickly. "I mean... I don't know. I'm not sure yet. It's just... he's okay, Kurt is okay. I'm just not sure yet whether _we_ are."

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked.

"I... Rachel... I..." He stopped, took a deep breath and then looked back at her. "You can't tell anyone, Rachel, and especially not Kurt that I told you this," he said.

Rachel leaned forward with a completely serious expression on her voice. "I swear," she said.

Blaine took another deep breath before he continued. "I... I think Kurt has feelings for me."

"Oh." Rachel's face got completely blank from one second to the other, as if she was carefully trying not to let anything on. It would have been enough to convince him he was right about Kurt's feelings, even if the kiss had still left any doubts.

"You knew that already, didn't you?" he asked.

"W-what? No! You're ridiculous!" Rachel said. "I mean... he knows you have a boyfriend. He just really cares about you a lot. Platonically, I mean."

"Oh my god, you knew," Blaine said. "You knew! Wait, you're his roommate, of _course_ you knew. I'm sorry, it's just... I didn't. Know, that is. And now I do, and I really don't know what to do."

"Did he say anything?" Rachel asked.

"No, he didn't," Blaine said. His mouth had been busy at the time.

Rachel still wasn't convinced, though. "Then what? Why are you so sure? Couldn't you have just misunderstood something, and now you keep misunderstanding? Maybe it was completely innocent."

"He kissed me."

The words came out much softer than Blaine had expected, and as he spoke them his eyes closed involuntarily. For a moment, he could almost feel it again, and that flutter in his chest was back. He shook his head and opened his eyes again. Not helping. Rachel's eyes were wide now, and her mouth formed a surprised "oh".

"He... oh..." She took another glass and started drying it. "Well, I guess that is pretty unambiguous," she said. "He... he kissed you. How did that happen?"

On instinct, Blaine looked around, but obviously there was nobody who knew him around, so he leaned forward and continued. "I was just about to go to class, when I heard him call for me. And then he just came up to me, held my face and kissed me."

Rachel's eyes widened, and he could tell she was getting really interested by now. "How was it?" she asked.

The question took himm by surprise, but now that she was prompting him... Blaine exhaled shakily as he now actually allowed his mind wander back to those few seconds, the way Kurt's lips had moved against his, how warm it had felt, and so, so soft...

"Wow," Rachel muttered, not taking her eyes from his face, "that good?"

For a second, Blaine feared he had just spoken aloud, but apparently Rachel had read all that just from his face.

"I..." He sighed, but eventually, he gave up. "...you have no idea," he finished. "I... I don't think I've ever been kissed like that."

"Okay, you can't just say that and leave it at that," Rachel said, "come on, Anderson, details!"

Blaine blinked at her, and for a moment it dawned on him that this might have been a horrible idea, but eventually he couldn't keep it in any longer. That was after all what friends were for, to share these things he couldn't tell anybody else, and suddenly the words just burst out of him.

Rachel listened, her expression getting more intense with every second, as if she was drinking in every single word coming out of his mouth, and the more she listened, the more Blaine forgot any filters. As he finally finished, she looked at him with something very much akin to jealousy.

"Damn," she muttered, "you're a lucky man, Blaine Anderson."

He laughed shakily, not sure whether he should agree or if that was the biggest lie he'd ever heard.

"How did you react?" she asked, and the glee he'd felt a moment before evaporated.

"I... kind of... pushed him away," he said, not meeting Rachel's eyes, "...and then he fell. To the floor."

"What?!" Rachel looked absolutely scandalized now, and before he knew what was going on, she hit him with the dish towel.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"I can't believe you did that!" she said.

"I... I can't believe _he_ did that!" Blaine replied. "I have a boyfriend, remember? We just talked about him five minutes ago."

Rachel blinked. "Oh. Right... you do," she said. She actually looked disappointed now.

"So you see my problem?" Blaine asked. "We're not like that, Rachel. We're just friends, and friends don't kiss each other like that. Or at all, but especially not like... that," he finished lamely. "And Sebastian is already so jealous of Kurt. I can't keep spending time with Kurt if he's kissing me."

"But you can spend time with him if he just kissed you once and you pretend it never happened?" Rachel asked skeptically.

"That's not what I mean," Blaine said, "I do want to talk to Kurt about this... but I can't be his friend if he's hitting on me. I just... He's my best friend, Rachel. I don't know what I'd do without him. But I have a boyfriend, and I need him to respect that. Otherwise I don't think this is going to work."

Rachel sighed. "This really is complicated, isn't it?" she said.

"Tell me about it," Blaine muttered.

"Are you going to tell your boyfriend?" Rachel asked.

"Absolutely not," Blaine replied immediately, "he'd flip out if I told him, and then he'd insist again that I don't see Kurt anymore – and I couldn't even blame him. I probably shouldn't, anyway, but..." He sighed again. He didn't even know why, but the mere thought of not seeing Kurt again was too scary to even consider.

"Okay, I think I get it," Rachel said, "but can I ask you one more question?"

"Sure, go ahead," Blaine said.

"You do realize you're more scared of losing Kurt as your best friend than about losing your boyfriend, don't you?"

"I don't really think I'm risking losing Sebastian," Blaine said. And wow, phrased like that it sounded kind of cold.

"But your priority in all this is not to lose Kurt," Rachel insisted.

"...yes," Blaine admitted finally. "That kind of makes me a horrible person, doesn't it? Or at least a horrible boyfriend..."

"Yeah, well, from what I've heard your boyfriend isn't going to win any prizes, either," Rachel said in an attempt to lighten up the mood.

Blaine just looked up at her and sighed. "Not helping," he said.

"Look, Blaine, I don't think you're horrible," Rachel said softly. "You're just a little confused at the moment. You really need to take some time and figure out what you actually want."

"That sounds like a good idea," Blaine admitted, although he did hesitate a little.

"I have to insist on one thing, though," Rachel said, and now she was completely serious. „About Kurt."

"What is it?"

"He's my best friend, too. So, whatever you do, please be careful with him. I don't want him to get hurt, so don't lead him on. Just... be honest with him, okay? If you don't want to be with him like that, don't give him false hope. No mixed signals, no 'I can't be with you _right now', _nothing. Just be clear on where you're standing. Think you can do that?"

Blaine sighed in relief. "I think I can," he said. "Well, if I get him to talk to me."

Rachel hummed. "Actually, I have an idea for that. What are your plans for today?"

* * *

Maybe he could convince Blaine that he'd developed a split personality – or possibly had a secret twin he'd never mentioned who'd just esacped from a mental insitution.

Kurt's excuses were getting more horrible the harder he tried to come up with something.

For a moment there he had actually been hopeful, but apparently he had deluded himself. And he knew it was because of the curse, that Blaine didn't remember him, didn't know anymore what they had... it was still painful to be pushed away. And it was all Sebastian's fault.

Would Blaine turn away from him now? Kurt had to admit it would be the logical reaction, but the mere thought made his skin crawl. Sebastian would like that, keeping Blaine even closer to himself and away from other people...

With a sigh, Kurt let his head rest on the table. If only hiding back here in the loft's kitchen was an actual option... He had managed to get out of his shift at the diner today, and Isabelle had sent him home again. At least he had some privacy to wallow in self-pity, with Rachel working and Santana being out with Dani. He looked to his watch and figured that Rachel should be back within maybe an hour.

He had just come to that conclusion, when he heard a key in the lock and the door to the loft opened. It couldn't be Santana, her texts were clear on that, so maybe Rachel haad gotten out of her shift early.

"Kill me now, Rachel, I ruined _everything_," he announced, hoping for a sympathetic ear and maybe a piece of advice on how he should face Blaine tomorrow.

Instead, he got a nervous chuckle. "Um... not Rachel," the voice said and Kurt froze. "And stop this, please... you didn't. I promise, you didn't."

"Blaine?" Kurt looked up from where he had hidden his face, incredulous to what he'd heard. But yes, there was Blaine, standing in his loft with Rachel's ridiculous plush animal keychain in his hand. He was wearing the same clothes as earlier, though slightly crumpled. His hair was dishevelled and Kurt could swear there were dark shadows under his eyes. He looked exhausted, uncertain, but there was a spark of determination in his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt asked as Blaine came closer and stopped before the table.

"I wanted to talk to you, but you weren't at the diner," Baline explained, "but I talked to Rachel and she... well, she gave me her key so I could come see you here. So we could talk. May I sit?"

"Of course," Kurt said and pushed out a chair for Blaine. "I really owe you an apology. I don't know what came over me, but I'm so sorry. I swear it won't ever happen again, and I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"You did," Blaine said as he sat down. "But I'm sorry too, for how I reacted."

"No, you don't need to apologize for anything. I really can't believe I did that to you, I know how traumatizing an unexpected kiss like that can be..."

"Whoa, slow down," Blaine said. "Traumatizing? I was surprised, not anywhere near traumatized. Don't worry, you're not that bad at kissing."

Kurt let out a laugh, not knowing how to react to that. "Still, I shouldn't have," he said eventually.

"You shouldn't," Blaine agreed. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, loosening a few more of his curls. "I have a boyfriend. I know we're having a rough spot at the moment, but we're trying to work things out. Actually trying, not just pretending everything is fine. But that means I can't do anything that endangers our relationship. Sebastian is already jealous enough about you. And now you kissed me."

"Did you tell him?" Kurt asked.

"No, and I'm not going to," Blaine said. He looked up and there was a hint of fear in his eyes. "I don't know how he'd react... but I can't see it going well. One thing I know for sure is that he'd insist I'd stop seeing you. It wouldn't even be unreasonable. And then I'd have to comply with that, at least if we're trying to make this relationship work."

Kurt felt his throat close up. "Is that what you want? That I... stay away from you?"

"What?" Blaine's eyes widened in shock. "No! No, Kurt, that is the _last_ thing I want. You're my best friend, I don't want to lose you."

Kurt sighed in relief. "You're my best friend, too," he said. His voice was just as shaky as Blaine's. "So what do we do?"

"We stay friends," Blaine said. He seemed calmer now, and Kurt was sure he had rehearsed the next words in his head. "We meet for coffee, we talk, we spend time together, just as we did before. But I can't be more than your friend, Kurt. I'm really sorry if I gave you a wrong impression, or led you on in any way. But I need to get my relationship back on track, and I need you as my friend. We won't tell anyone about today, we just go back to how we were. Is that... is that okay? Is this something you're even interested in?"

"Of course I'm interested in being your friend," Kurt said. "And yes, I think I can work with that."

Blaine sighed in relief. Tension was visibly draining out of his shoulders, and only now did Kurt realize how nervous he must have been. Despite not remembering, Blaine obviously cherished their bond, and for now, that was actually enough.

"I have to be able to trust you, though," Blaine said. To his relief, Kurt saw no hint of doubt in him when he said that. "I need to be able to trust that you respect that I'm with him. Just don't... I don't know, try anything?"

"I won't," Kurt said. Without allowing himself to think it through, he took Blaine's hand in his. "I promise that you can trust me. I don't want to lose you, either."

"I'm glad," Blaine said. For a second they were looking into each other's eyes, then Blaine averted his gaze. "So, we're okay, right?"

"We are," Kurt replied.

The rest of the tension melted out of Blaine's shoulders at that and the smile that returned to his face was completely genuine now.

"So... would you like to... I don't know, watch a movie or something?" Kurt asked.

Blaine hesitated and looked at his watch. "I don't have that much time," he said, "but we could have some coffee and talk for a bit?"

Kurt felt himself return the smile. "Sounds great."


End file.
